I think it would be fair to say that more than anything I have put more effort into films than anything else in my life, in a year when I proved the critics wrong and excelled in A-Levels, but yet again, they are getting easier! So here it is, my favourite releases of 2009:
A Serious Man, The White Ribbon, Inglourious Basterds, Broken Embraces, Looking for Eric, Kisses, Che, Milk, Il Divo, Lakeview Terrace, Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee, Tony Manero, Cherry Blossom, Gigantic and The Informant!
Sadly I also missed a handful of movies that I would have liked to catch, such as; Up!, Thirst, Katalin Varga and The Invention of Lying. Although, I must say, that at the time none of these films looked particularly attractive, or the cinema was too far away, or more than likely I was too busy making the transformation into an apple to go and watch them. Sadly, I watched a couple of stinkers as well, none more than Mesrine: Killer Instinct, which was truly style over substance, with murder after murder which became tiresome after 5 minutes.
However, something I have not been too bothered about is new music, nothing this year has really truly excited me, apart from The Flaming Lips new album (embryonic) and maybe the Major Lazer album in September, but that quickly tired on me, and now I think it is just average. Instead of ranting about the poor output of music in 2009 compared to 2008, instead I will show you the bands I listened to the most over the past 12 months!!!
Cat Power, Scout Niblett, Jonathan Richman, FOTL, mclusky, Pixies, Flaming Lips, Public Enemy, Gang of Four, Vivian Girls, Beastie Boys, Quasimoto, The Fall, MF DOOM, Nick Cave…., My Bloody Valentine, Madvillain, Sonic Youth, Devo, Ponytail, DANGERDOOM and Clinic
I must say that despite not being excited by much new music I did enjoy watching a lot of the oldies rocking it at Primavera 2009, Neil Young, Sonic Youth, MBV, Jesus Lizard and Yo La Tengo. But, my biggest music change this year has been a sudden upsurge in interest of decent hip-hop, thanks mainly to my new flatmate, Oliver, who virtually BULLIED me into listening to more than just Public Enemy, NWA and Wu Tang Clan,
Primavera isn’t quite up there as time of my life due to the amount of stress organising and then reorganising took, but some key events of the year are probably me not talking to anyone apart from Mark Critchley, Marcus Barnett, Sam Nicholas and Joe Smith on a regular basis for nine months, being thrown out of home for one night before going home for tea – heartbreak, spending the entire year without fancying anyone – winrar, spending the majority of the year without phone credit and the little time I had with loud headphones for my ipod.
Embarrassingly this year I only completed three or four books, Chris Harman, Fantastic Mr. Fox (69 pages!!), Roy Keane autobiography and Chopper. For the past six months I have read 180 pages of Yiddish Policemen’s Union, and 140 of them have been read in the past two weeks. So, this year I am aiming to read much more, something I can do once my exams have finished and I have six months until my next term, and have a long list of fiction that I am interested in reading, as I am now totally turned off reading about politics considering I have to do it nearly every single fucking night, especially all the liberal bollocks.
So that is one new years aim, the other is to play more video games and become more cultured about it, instead of just seeing it as beating the shit out of virtual monster on FIFA or PES. This upturn in interest of video games is because I recently played Left 4 Dead 2 and it was the first time I have been genuinely scared by a video game, as hordes of infected human beings attempt to eat me alive. I also aim to guide Celtic FC to a Champions League final in the next five seasons and win, something I believe I will have difficulty doing due to the scope of players available to me, but a challenge nonetheless. Lose all inhibitions and don’t grow my hair long ever again. Also cut down on the amount of carbohydrates I eat.
Inabit
31/12/2009
22/12/2009
Sabata Review
Sabata, a 1969 Spaghetti Western movie starring the one and only Lee Van Cleef, although if you listen to that pesky trouble maker Steve Barnett you may be able find a look-a-like trailing around Flower Shows.
Sabata is almost super-human, unkillable, unstoppable, making for a great villain, although he isn’t! Despite his questionable morals he is still sticking it to the man, taking down anybody who gets in the way of his life, including priests, gambling degenerates and rich land barons. Sabata foils the plot of the higher coats of town in which they attempted to steal $100,000 from the bank to buy land and then sell to the rail companies. Instead Sabata kills those who stole the money, returned it and then blackmailed the high coats. However, they would rather do anything than give this wild card £60,000, so here comes the wrath of some of the deadliest mercenaries the Wild West has to offer…and a priest. None of these are good enough, leading to an almighty shoot out at the end, which makes Scarface look like a couple of children running around a play ground with sticks for guns.
The cinematography is beautiful, but not in the league of Leone’s trilogy, but very little is, however there are plenty of beautiful shots and the surroundings are believable – with all of the shooting taking place in Italy and Spain on set. The pace of the movie is quick and does not slack off at any moment in the film, and this does not hinder the film, but improves. The ending had me in a state of ‘I don’t know’ and left me upset, but then I was happy again when everybody got their just deserves and my previous thoughts were dismissed as nonsense and reactionary as Sabata is unstoppable.
One of the most enjoyable movies I have seen in a long time and I think it enters my top 30 favourite film, and this isn’t even one of the highest held Spaghetti Westerns.
17/12/2009
Nicolas Cage is Calling
Werner Herzog's new film, staring NICOLAS CAGE. I can't do anything better than that first sentence, so just watch.
Martin in Wonderland
Scorsese still has the taste of young cock, after the dumping of lover-boy Bobby D and seducing toy-boy Leonardo Di Caprio, who by the looks of things at the beginning of the trailer thought he was filming Titanic 2: The Rise of Southampton.
Shutter Island is the new movie of Martin Scorsese, and looks a move away from his traditional movies of gangsters, marginalisation, alienation and the entertainment industry. However, from the trailer the film looks exciting and tense, and stars a bad ass mother fucking Ben kingsley – well not bad ass, but as bad ass as you can get when you are an upper class toff who pretends to be Ghandi and Don Logan
Released: 19/02/2010
Secondly, Tim Burton's outing of Alice in Wonderland, in which he surprisingly uses Johnny Depp and his wife. The film looks pretty good, but I wouldn't pay to go and watch it. Shamo!
Released: March 2010
Shutter Island is the new movie of Martin Scorsese, and looks a move away from his traditional movies of gangsters, marginalisation, alienation and the entertainment industry. However, from the trailer the film looks exciting and tense, and stars a bad ass mother fucking Ben kingsley – well not bad ass, but as bad ass as you can get when you are an upper class toff who pretends to be Ghandi and Don Logan
Released: 19/02/2010
Secondly, Tim Burton's outing of Alice in Wonderland, in which he surprisingly uses Johnny Depp and his wife. The film looks pretty good, but I wouldn't pay to go and watch it. Shamo!
Released: March 2010
07/12/2009
Communicate - Com-ma-Com-ma-unicate
Heath Linn is a 18 year old student from Chorley, but currently resides in Manchester. He is so self-absorbed he believed he had the sovereign right to complete a quiz meant for celebrities on www.Guardian.co.uk, however Heath Linn's effort is not as self-absorbing as Dr. Dre - Wigga.
When were you happiest?
Wigan Athletic's 2002/2003 season when we won the league and had the dream team including Jimmy Bullard, Jason Roberts, Nathan Ellington, Leighton Baines, John Filan, Jason De Vos, Ian Brekin, Nicky Edan, Gary Teale, Alan Mahon, Lee McCulloch - we were dangerous.
What is your greatest fear?
Not going out on my own terms
What is your earliest memory?
Playing on the best green bike at Nursery everyday, selfish boy.
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
Roy Keane - says what he thinks, and is always right.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Sometimes I think if I had the motivation to be a little better I'd be the greatest human being and the one all people would ADMIRE.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Arrogance
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Going to control the football in the 10th second of the game and it going under my foot and into the net...
What is your most treasured possession?
Ben Hogan Colorado 60 degree lob wedge - the tool I am most useful with.
What makes you unhappy?
People making wrong decisions when I've told them the best solution.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Larry David or John Goodman
What has been your biggest disappointment?
Not being ruthless.
What is your favourite word?
Cunt
What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
"Con Air is a great film!"
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching movies or (decent) tv programmes all day.
What do you owe your parents?
£20
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Larry David, Roy Keane, Brian Clough, Flavour Flav, John Goodman, Evil Kneivel, Mark Crithcley, Marcus Barnett, Joe Smith, John Foley and Ryan McGeown
What is the worst job you have ever done?
KFC
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
Go and watch 1970 and 80's football to witness Clough, and 1916-22 Russia to witness what a revolutionary atmosphere is like.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Breaking a girl's ankle whilst playing football and the amount of unaccountable bullshit I spurt everyday.
What keeps you awake at night?
The Simpsons or essays.
What song would you like played at your funeral?
When the Music Stops - Roger Daltrey OR Oh Shit - The Pharacyde
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Cider + Hip-Hop + Friends + Nightclub = Happier Heath
Tell us a joke.
Me: Do you like fish sticks
Kanye West: Yah
Me: What are you, a gay fish?
Tell us a secret.
No.
When were you happiest?
Wigan Athletic's 2002/2003 season when we won the league and had the dream team including Jimmy Bullard, Jason Roberts, Nathan Ellington, Leighton Baines, John Filan, Jason De Vos, Ian Brekin, Nicky Edan, Gary Teale, Alan Mahon, Lee McCulloch - we were dangerous.
What is your greatest fear?
Not going out on my own terms
What is your earliest memory?
Playing on the best green bike at Nursery everyday, selfish boy.
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
Roy Keane - says what he thinks, and is always right.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Sometimes I think if I had the motivation to be a little better I'd be the greatest human being and the one all people would ADMIRE.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Arrogance
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Going to control the football in the 10th second of the game and it going under my foot and into the net...
What is your most treasured possession?
Ben Hogan Colorado 60 degree lob wedge - the tool I am most useful with.
What makes you unhappy?
People making wrong decisions when I've told them the best solution.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Larry David or John Goodman
What has been your biggest disappointment?
Not being ruthless.
What is your favourite word?
Cunt
What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
"Con Air is a great film!"
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching movies or (decent) tv programmes all day.
What do you owe your parents?
£20
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Larry David, Roy Keane, Brian Clough, Flavour Flav, John Goodman, Evil Kneivel, Mark Crithcley, Marcus Barnett, Joe Smith, John Foley and Ryan McGeown
What is the worst job you have ever done?
KFC
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
Go and watch 1970 and 80's football to witness Clough, and 1916-22 Russia to witness what a revolutionary atmosphere is like.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Breaking a girl's ankle whilst playing football and the amount of unaccountable bullshit I spurt everyday.
What keeps you awake at night?
The Simpsons or essays.
What song would you like played at your funeral?
When the Music Stops - Roger Daltrey OR Oh Shit - The Pharacyde
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Cider + Hip-Hop + Friends + Nightclub = Happier Heath
Tell us a joke.
Me: Do you like fish sticks
Kanye West: Yah
Me: What are you, a gay fish?
Tell us a secret.
No.
04/12/2009
Short Films
Today I have been scanning Youtube for short films and here are a few of my favourites. The rights to this short film have been bought by Sam Raimi (SPIDERMAN) for $1 million, not bad for something that was made in the hundreds!
This next amination is Marvin and Sam, which I found amusing.
This next amination is Marvin and Sam, which I found amusing.
Why?
A selection of Manchester United players, present and former, playing board games, I do not understand why though.
First, Carlos 'is that money I smell' Tevez and Anderson.
Ryan Giggs vs Owen Hargreaves
FOOTBALLERS DESERVE THEIR MASSIVE PAY CHECK M8!!
First, Carlos 'is that money I smell' Tevez and Anderson.
Ryan Giggs vs Owen Hargreaves
FOOTBALLERS DESERVE THEIR MASSIVE PAY CHECK M8!!
20/11/2009
Brian Clough
The greatest man football has ever seen talks about politics, and you also see a very bad speech by Michael Foot!!
I know very little about Don Revie but from this video I do not really like him.
As Alan Partridge once said: "I won't let him do that, he'd batter you"
"
Maybe a low in the man's life.
I know very little about Don Revie but from this video I do not really like him.
As Alan Partridge once said: "I won't let him do that, he'd batter you"
"
Maybe a low in the man's life.
Youtube Clips
This is a little like Sports Round, formerly presented by F1 Supremo Jake Humphreys, but better.
Firstly, seeing as it is Manchester City vs. Liverpool this weekend here is a clip of Manchester City trouncing Liverpool 3-1 in the 1977-78 season (Dalglish's finishing is woeful).
All I have to say for this video is "What do you want four fucking cars for?" Golden.
Graveson, the machine, tries to twat cry baby
Firstly, seeing as it is Manchester City vs. Liverpool this weekend here is a clip of Manchester City trouncing Liverpool 3-1 in the 1977-78 season (Dalglish's finishing is woeful).
All I have to say for this video is "What do you want four fucking cars for?" Golden.
Graveson, the machine, tries to twat cry baby
Roy Keane on THE Ireland Game
Roy Keane issued a furious response to Ireland's campaign for a replay of their World Cup qualifier play-off second leg against France, saying "what goes around comes around" for the Football Association of Ireland.
The Ipswich Town manager's relationship with the FAI broke down following his walk-out from the Republic of Ireland training camp prior to the 2002 World Cup. And he dismissed their calls for "the honesty and integrity" of the sport to be protected in the wake of Thierry Henry's handball which led to France's winner in Paris on Wednesday night.
The former Ireland midfielder was in a characteristically fierce mood as he launched a withering attack on Irish football's governing body: "They can complain all they want but France are going to the World Cup – get over it," he said.
"France were there for the taking and Ireland didn't do it. Same old story. I think the supporters deserve better, the manager [Giovanni Trapattoni] deserves better and probably most of the players deserve better, but I'm not sure the FAI deserve better. What goes around comes around.
"People seem to forget what was going on in that World Cup, and that man [FAI chief executive John Delaney] is on about honesty. I was one of the players and he didn't have the courtesy to ring me. I'd been involved with Ireland since I was 15 years of age and that man didn't have the decency to make a phone call. He could have phoned me, of course he could have."
Keane pointed out that controversial decisions also went Ireland's way in the qualifying campaign, not least a harsh penalty award against Georgia which helped them claim a 2-1 qualifying win in February. "Ireland had their chances in the two games [against France], and they never took them," he said. "But it's the usual FAI reaction - 'We've been robbed, the honesty of the game.' There was one match against Georgia where Ireland got a penalty and it was one of the worst decisions I've ever seen which changed the whole course of the game. I don't remember the FAI after the game saying we should give them a replay."
Talking about France's winner, Keane laid the blame on Ireland's defence rather than Henry, who handled the ball before crossing for William Gallas to head in. "I'd focus on why they didn't clear it," he said. "I'd be more annoyed with my defenders and my goalkeeper than Thierry Henry. How can you let the ball bounce in your six-yard box? How can you let Thierry Henry get goal-side of you? If the ball goes into the six-yard box, where the hell is my goalkeeper?".
The Ipswich Town manager's relationship with the FAI broke down following his walk-out from the Republic of Ireland training camp prior to the 2002 World Cup. And he dismissed their calls for "the honesty and integrity" of the sport to be protected in the wake of Thierry Henry's handball which led to France's winner in Paris on Wednesday night.
The former Ireland midfielder was in a characteristically fierce mood as he launched a withering attack on Irish football's governing body: "They can complain all they want but France are going to the World Cup – get over it," he said.
"France were there for the taking and Ireland didn't do it. Same old story. I think the supporters deserve better, the manager [Giovanni Trapattoni] deserves better and probably most of the players deserve better, but I'm not sure the FAI deserve better. What goes around comes around.
"People seem to forget what was going on in that World Cup, and that man [FAI chief executive John Delaney] is on about honesty. I was one of the players and he didn't have the courtesy to ring me. I'd been involved with Ireland since I was 15 years of age and that man didn't have the decency to make a phone call. He could have phoned me, of course he could have."
Keane pointed out that controversial decisions also went Ireland's way in the qualifying campaign, not least a harsh penalty award against Georgia which helped them claim a 2-1 qualifying win in February. "Ireland had their chances in the two games [against France], and they never took them," he said. "But it's the usual FAI reaction - 'We've been robbed, the honesty of the game.' There was one match against Georgia where Ireland got a penalty and it was one of the worst decisions I've ever seen which changed the whole course of the game. I don't remember the FAI after the game saying we should give them a replay."
Talking about France's winner, Keane laid the blame on Ireland's defence rather than Henry, who handled the ball before crossing for William Gallas to head in. "I'd focus on why they didn't clear it," he said. "I'd be more annoyed with my defenders and my goalkeeper than Thierry Henry. How can you let the ball bounce in your six-yard box? How can you let Thierry Henry get goal-side of you? If the ball goes into the six-yard box, where the hell is my goalkeeper?".
Powers
Some random guy called Powers strolls onto the pitch during a Champions League game and poses for the pre-match team photo. Here is the link to the video:
http://manuxtreme.fliggo.com/video/8WsCUtmH
http://manuxtreme.fliggo.com/video/8WsCUtmH
19/11/2009
15/11/2009
Christmas has arrived, and you can tell due to the small number of Christmas adverts sneaking onto TV already, soon the small number of adverts will turn into masses. You will not be able to move without getting slapped in the face by Jamie Oliver and then told to get to Sainsbury’s and buy your turkey! The voice of Ruby will grate on you for two months as she demands we go and buy an auto-biography of a comedian/footballer/TV personality/cook, any other time of the year no one would even dare buy any of these, unless they’re really interested, but soon, senial grandma’s and parents will be going “Heath likes football, let’s buy him Alan Ball’s biography”, not remembering I don’t care about a little man who through sheer luck won the world cup, but this doesn’t care, because I like football.
None of the adverts are more insulting than Morrisons! Richard Hammond, a man who can stand in front of a camera and read a autocue, but then gets his massive breakthrough because he cannot drive, tells me that I HAVE to go and buy mince pies. Why is he doing the advert? What social strata does he attract? The middle class dad’s with terrible haircuts and shit jackets, but last time I looked the majority of people who pack into ASDA are families or women, so why is he pushing a trolley through the North or South poll? Everyone knows it never snows at Christmas.
The worst tragedy is that when you say you hate the adverts you are “Scrooge” No, I do not like a television screen trying to convince me to pass the little money I have on shit gifts for people I probably don’t like, but sadly share a bloodline with.
Abandon Christmas adverts and just play the Elvis supergroup advert
or, the Peter Kay adverts for John Smith (here's one)
None of the adverts are more insulting than Morrisons! Richard Hammond, a man who can stand in front of a camera and read a autocue, but then gets his massive breakthrough because he cannot drive, tells me that I HAVE to go and buy mince pies. Why is he doing the advert? What social strata does he attract? The middle class dad’s with terrible haircuts and shit jackets, but last time I looked the majority of people who pack into ASDA are families or women, so why is he pushing a trolley through the North or South poll? Everyone knows it never snows at Christmas.
The worst tragedy is that when you say you hate the adverts you are “Scrooge” No, I do not like a television screen trying to convince me to pass the little money I have on shit gifts for people I probably don’t like, but sadly share a bloodline with.
Abandon Christmas adverts and just play the Elvis supergroup advert
or, the Peter Kay adverts for John Smith (here's one)
14/11/2009
Quick Buck
Here is a video of Ricky Hatton on WWE Monday Night Live Raw, facing Chavo, the brother or cousin of Eddie, I can't really remember.
2:52 seconds is one of the greatest moments of wrestling I have ever seen!
2:52 seconds is one of the greatest moments of wrestling I have ever seen!
13/11/2009
Kick Ass (the movie, I'm not telling you to go out there and be violent)
A Superhero film due out sometime next year, I wouldn't post this usually, but it has my all time hero Nicolas Cage in it, so I thought why the fuck not. Here is the trailer, doesn't look mind blowing and it doesn't look shit, so I'm not going watching it.
The White Ribbon - 4/5
My review would be crap because it would take me about four hours to find all the names of the German actors, plus I have a very boring essay to write. But I will say that all the kids in the movie were awesome casting, especially Rudi (the doctor’s son) and the youngest son of the community priest, especially the injured bird scene.
So here you go:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/nov/12/the-white-ribbon-review
So here you go:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/nov/12/the-white-ribbon-review
12/11/2009
Sold Out!
After not being interested in watching music live since Offset in September today I have been reignited due to a love of the new Flaming Lips album, Embryonic, and also seeing the announcement that Pixies will be playing Primavera Festival in May 2010. However, in the traditional Heath Linn sense every gig I want to go to now has already sold out, and by every gig I mean two gigs, Major Lazer w/ Toddla T & Boy 8-Bit and The Flaming Lips, two gigs where the tickets had been on sale since the Summer Holidays. This is a familiar theme in my history of purchasing gig tickets, and none more painful than Jonathan Richman just a month ago.
There has only been one occasion when I have gone out there and been proactive in not wasting time and buying the ticket straight away – Nick Cave, and that was full of boring old farts who were trying to find their gothic roots from 25 years ago.
Anyway, if I have money left over tomorrow after my fortnightly shop I may go to the academy and try to buy a tout ticket for The Flaming Lips, as has Q magazine says, you have to watch them live before you die, and I plan on dying in the future.
There has only been one occasion when I have gone out there and been proactive in not wasting time and buying the ticket straight away – Nick Cave, and that was full of boring old farts who were trying to find their gothic roots from 25 years ago.
Anyway, if I have money left over tomorrow after my fortnightly shop I may go to the academy and try to buy a tout ticket for The Flaming Lips, as has Q magazine says, you have to watch them live before you die, and I plan on dying in the future.
10/11/2009
Fearless Vampire Killers Review and New Trailer
Watching Roman Polanski’s 1967 vampire horror movie, Fearless Vampire Killers, thirty two years after its production I am given the feeling that the movie is a kitsch comedy of traditional investigative vampire movies. Definitely one of the best vampire movies I have seen, considering just the other day I sadly saw the homo-erotic Vampire movie horror starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. Plus, if anyone says Lt. Aldo Raines is Pitt’s worse performance they have to watch that plane wreckage of racism.
Fearless Vampire Killers follows Professor Abronsius (Jack MacGowran) and his introvert apprentice Alfred (Roman Polanski) as they arrive in central Europe after a search across the rest of Europe for a mysterious murderer. Professor Abronsius findings have found him being outcast by the academic vanguard, and old, tired and on many occasions suffering from the cold weather they have hit. Alfred soon finds a love interest – the daughter of the in-law, played by his future wife, Sharon Tate.
After attacks on the landlord and his daughter, the inquisitive pairing go off on an amusing search towards the Counts castle. Drama and hilarity ensues as Polanski, and moreover Jack MacGowran give hilarious and strong performances, Sharon Tate also puts in a sombre and expressionless display as well. The searches of the castle in the daylight causes a lot of drama and funny situations – the Professor becoming stuck in the window of the Counts chamber, Alfred being chased around the castle by the Counts homosexual son, dancing in a hall of vampires in hope to save the landlords daughter and the ultimate ending.
Whilst Polanski’s character is a tranquil state of mind, believing he has saved the one woman he loves from certain death it appears they’re too late and instead the one thing they had been hoping to quell and stop, they actually help on its journey to world domination and destruction, just as the Count had hoped.
For some bizzare reason the Studios hasn't enabled embedding for the trailer for the soon to be released in Britain movie The Limits of Control, which impressively has Bill Murray in a role of authority. So, here is the link, because that's the best I can do, sorry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7LsEJcxJs8
Also, a little belated, but here is the trailer for The White Ribbon, a tail of a small town, also known to be a allogory for Fascism - today I watched my second Haneke movie - The Time of the Wolf - and really enjoyed it, so I am definitely off to watch The White Ribbon when it's released (13th November).
Fearless Vampire Killers follows Professor Abronsius (Jack MacGowran) and his introvert apprentice Alfred (Roman Polanski) as they arrive in central Europe after a search across the rest of Europe for a mysterious murderer. Professor Abronsius findings have found him being outcast by the academic vanguard, and old, tired and on many occasions suffering from the cold weather they have hit. Alfred soon finds a love interest – the daughter of the in-law, played by his future wife, Sharon Tate.
After attacks on the landlord and his daughter, the inquisitive pairing go off on an amusing search towards the Counts castle. Drama and hilarity ensues as Polanski, and moreover Jack MacGowran give hilarious and strong performances, Sharon Tate also puts in a sombre and expressionless display as well. The searches of the castle in the daylight causes a lot of drama and funny situations – the Professor becoming stuck in the window of the Counts chamber, Alfred being chased around the castle by the Counts homosexual son, dancing in a hall of vampires in hope to save the landlords daughter and the ultimate ending.
Whilst Polanski’s character is a tranquil state of mind, believing he has saved the one woman he loves from certain death it appears they’re too late and instead the one thing they had been hoping to quell and stop, they actually help on its journey to world domination and destruction, just as the Count had hoped.
For some bizzare reason the Studios hasn't enabled embedding for the trailer for the soon to be released in Britain movie The Limits of Control, which impressively has Bill Murray in a role of authority. So, here is the link, because that's the best I can do, sorry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7LsEJcxJs8
Also, a little belated, but here is the trailer for The White Ribbon, a tail of a small town, also known to be a allogory for Fascism - today I watched my second Haneke movie - The Time of the Wolf - and really enjoyed it, so I am definitely off to watch The White Ribbon when it's released (13th November).
04/11/2009
Film Library
Today I saw my first proper film library, if you don't count the video rental giant Global Video. I was sat around the halls kitchen with the man-dem and then Eva and Oliver came back with DVDs from the library - which were free! So, like a proper film nerd I ran into my repugnent room and pulled on a pair of split Levis jeans (I'm just trying to illustrate my poverty) and my woman's coat and walked at pace to the library.
When arriving I just saw stacks and stacks of films about the Royal coronation and historical footage of the Vietnam war, World War I&II, Kennedy Assasination and all the other important historical events. I thought 'is this it?', but then Hammond jr. strolled in and started jamming on his guitar.
That last bit is a lie, of course, but I wondered around browsing at all the old cassettes and DVDs of classics like Casablanca, Last Tango in Paris, King Lear (joke), Wizard of Oz etc. and then finally found the foreign cinema section and I could have had a wank right there and then. Shelves filled up with Herzog, Fritz, Fassbender, Bergman, Godard, Kurosawa, Chan-Wook, Melville, Loach, Leigh, Haneke, Hitchcock and...Robocop (Don't know why that was there)
Sadly, I was only allowed to take three DVDs at a time so this has acted as an influence to buy a new PC for my room so I can watch these endless DVDs and do work of course. Oh, I took out Time of the Wolf by Haneke, Naked by Mike Leigh and L'armee Des Ombres by Melville. I am really looking forward to filling my head with cinema history...and Robocop.
When arriving I just saw stacks and stacks of films about the Royal coronation and historical footage of the Vietnam war, World War I&II, Kennedy Assasination and all the other important historical events. I thought 'is this it?', but then Hammond jr. strolled in and started jamming on his guitar.
That last bit is a lie, of course, but I wondered around browsing at all the old cassettes and DVDs of classics like Casablanca, Last Tango in Paris, King Lear (joke), Wizard of Oz etc. and then finally found the foreign cinema section and I could have had a wank right there and then. Shelves filled up with Herzog, Fritz, Fassbender, Bergman, Godard, Kurosawa, Chan-Wook, Melville, Loach, Leigh, Haneke, Hitchcock and...Robocop (Don't know why that was there)
Sadly, I was only allowed to take three DVDs at a time so this has acted as an influence to buy a new PC for my room so I can watch these endless DVDs and do work of course. Oh, I took out Time of the Wolf by Haneke, Naked by Mike Leigh and L'armee Des Ombres by Melville. I am really looking forward to filling my head with cinema history...and Robocop.
Beauty Sleep
Recently, the past two weeks or so, I have been shit scared of going to sleep in the dark. I look around my room and my eyes & brain are not working with one another. For example, last night there were two shadows, but to me I became scared and thought Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin, two men responsible for millions of deaths. But this is not all that happens, I’ve also started to see people when I close my eyes – people will be dancing, staring over the top of me, cackling and other frightening imagery; one example being all the girls in my flat stood over the top of me brandishing kitchen knives – to which I leapt out of bed.
I would now like to tell you about the most surreal and weird dream I’ve had in the past six months. It goes like this:
A man, whose mind is mine, but the body is not, plays for Everton football team and we’re playing against what seems to be a bunch of Sunday league footballers and we’re playing in a cemetery. However, whilst I am playing up front, Yakubu is not, he is not happy about this.
Firstly the former Portsmouth star sabotages my shorts – giving me a pair that are way too big for me and keep falling down and I wasn’t able to replace the shorts till the second half, by which time it was too late. Due to the shorts I was able to score as every time an opportunity arose my shorts would start to fall down!
So, we reach half-time and Yakubu gives me a packet of Skips (unaware to me the Skips are laced with Valium), as, according to Yakubu, we’re all out of fruit, due to this I was slow and lethargic for the rest of the dream. After this, on the way to the dressing room, Yakubu gave me the wrong directions to the changing rooms and I ended up in some sort of warehouse or slaughterhouse. This meant I missed the managers half time talk and the beginning of the second half.
However, that doesn’t matter by the end of the dream as I was met by an unpleasant crowd of Yakubu’s busies and Yakubu himself. Yakubu brandished a mini-chainsaw and started to attack me with it, getting a few hits, but with relatively no pain on my character (So I thought) and then I kept catching the chainsaw, but after a while of this my hand were cut off. For some reason I was now next to a mountain edge and was totally battered, with cuts, bruises and missing limbs all over my body.
In the end, I crawled over the edge of the mountain and jumped up in a cold sweat as I was falling. Paranoia man in cheap shit room.
I would now like to tell you about the most surreal and weird dream I’ve had in the past six months. It goes like this:
A man, whose mind is mine, but the body is not, plays for Everton football team and we’re playing against what seems to be a bunch of Sunday league footballers and we’re playing in a cemetery. However, whilst I am playing up front, Yakubu is not, he is not happy about this.
Firstly the former Portsmouth star sabotages my shorts – giving me a pair that are way too big for me and keep falling down and I wasn’t able to replace the shorts till the second half, by which time it was too late. Due to the shorts I was able to score as every time an opportunity arose my shorts would start to fall down!
So, we reach half-time and Yakubu gives me a packet of Skips (unaware to me the Skips are laced with Valium), as, according to Yakubu, we’re all out of fruit, due to this I was slow and lethargic for the rest of the dream. After this, on the way to the dressing room, Yakubu gave me the wrong directions to the changing rooms and I ended up in some sort of warehouse or slaughterhouse. This meant I missed the managers half time talk and the beginning of the second half.
However, that doesn’t matter by the end of the dream as I was met by an unpleasant crowd of Yakubu’s busies and Yakubu himself. Yakubu brandished a mini-chainsaw and started to attack me with it, getting a few hits, but with relatively no pain on my character (So I thought) and then I kept catching the chainsaw, but after a while of this my hand were cut off. For some reason I was now next to a mountain edge and was totally battered, with cuts, bruises and missing limbs all over my body.
In the end, I crawled over the edge of the mountain and jumped up in a cold sweat as I was falling. Paranoia man in cheap shit room.
18/10/2009
I'm so rope they call me David Carradine
Why is Tarantino making Kill Bill 3?
The Franchise does not need to be extended. People, broadly speaking, lost interest after they had to watch My Super Ex-Girlfriend moaning for two hours and only killing two people, with very little suspense inbetween.
How many more Bills are there to kill? Bill Gates is murdered because in the past he patented something that belonged to The Bride? Bill Hicks is brought back from the dead and then killed again for an unsavoury joke? Bill Shakespeare has all his books (in the world) burnt on a massive bonfire of cut off ears because he killed off the young bride, Juliet?
Bill is dead. Carradine is dead.
Tarantino claims that he expects a 2011 release, however he has yet to write a script and we're nearing the end of 2009, he has a few ideas in his head. I don't think it's a coincidence either that the Weinstein's most profitable franchise is having another installment whilst they're on the verge of bankruptcy after bad business moves.
Why does Tarantino feel the urge to continue the Bride character? He let her wed, have a near death experience - umpteen times, made her worm food, reap her revenge and then run away with her daughter. So you'd think Tarantino would just leave her to enjoy the rest of her life, but instead he has to her more servings of revenge - a 6yr old girl who wants to avenge her mothers death, and will more than likely be 14yrs old at the time of the film release.
The film doesn't need to be made.
Instead Tarantino should try something new or return to crime thrillers. Since Kill Bill he has made a Grindhouse movie and WWII revenge story, which were both totally different and good films. Why not keep dipping his toes in different genres, people expect Tarantino to be eccentric, not reproducing the same problem three times. A Tarantino crime movie would cement that he is still a serious director among people and not a man losing his mind. People kind of expect Tarantino to make a Spaghetti Western movie, he can cast Lee Van Cleef and Samuel L. Jackson as a streetwise black man who is being hunted by a pack of redneck cowboys, led by Michael Madsen, and Van Cleef is his guardian angel and then Val Kilmer saves the day by flying in on a Boeing 707 and blowing up Texas - Different. Why not a afterlife tale, a Tarantino zombie movie would be awesome, or a Tarantino vampire movie once all the hype around Vampire movies has calmed down.
Whatever Tarantino does I hope he doesn't do what I expect. Kill the Bride.
The Franchise does not need to be extended. People, broadly speaking, lost interest after they had to watch My Super Ex-Girlfriend moaning for two hours and only killing two people, with very little suspense inbetween.
How many more Bills are there to kill? Bill Gates is murdered because in the past he patented something that belonged to The Bride? Bill Hicks is brought back from the dead and then killed again for an unsavoury joke? Bill Shakespeare has all his books (in the world) burnt on a massive bonfire of cut off ears because he killed off the young bride, Juliet?
Bill is dead. Carradine is dead.
Tarantino claims that he expects a 2011 release, however he has yet to write a script and we're nearing the end of 2009, he has a few ideas in his head. I don't think it's a coincidence either that the Weinstein's most profitable franchise is having another installment whilst they're on the verge of bankruptcy after bad business moves.
Why does Tarantino feel the urge to continue the Bride character? He let her wed, have a near death experience - umpteen times, made her worm food, reap her revenge and then run away with her daughter. So you'd think Tarantino would just leave her to enjoy the rest of her life, but instead he has to her more servings of revenge - a 6yr old girl who wants to avenge her mothers death, and will more than likely be 14yrs old at the time of the film release.
The film doesn't need to be made.
Instead Tarantino should try something new or return to crime thrillers. Since Kill Bill he has made a Grindhouse movie and WWII revenge story, which were both totally different and good films. Why not keep dipping his toes in different genres, people expect Tarantino to be eccentric, not reproducing the same problem three times. A Tarantino crime movie would cement that he is still a serious director among people and not a man losing his mind. People kind of expect Tarantino to make a Spaghetti Western movie, he can cast Lee Van Cleef and Samuel L. Jackson as a streetwise black man who is being hunted by a pack of redneck cowboys, led by Michael Madsen, and Van Cleef is his guardian angel and then Val Kilmer saves the day by flying in on a Boeing 707 and blowing up Texas - Different. Why not a afterlife tale, a Tarantino zombie movie would be awesome, or a Tarantino vampire movie once all the hype around Vampire movies has calmed down.
Whatever Tarantino does I hope he doesn't do what I expect. Kill the Bride.
Listen to yr Parents
The war of attrition between Blogger ltd. and Heath Linn is now over. Thus, this bad mutha fucka is back.
Lately I went to watch Shane Meadows follow up to the disappointing Somer's Town, Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee, and it cemented in my mind that Paddy Consindine is the best young actor in Britain. He puts in great performances in films that are made on a shoe string, Le Donk & Scor-Zay-Zee was made on £48,000 and stands out in the multi-million production The Bourne Ultimatum.
So, everyone keep on going to his films so he doesn't end up washed up and sitting in Rita and Norris' Corner Kabin.
Lately I went to watch Shane Meadows follow up to the disappointing Somer's Town, Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee, and it cemented in my mind that Paddy Consindine is the best young actor in Britain. He puts in great performances in films that are made on a shoe string, Le Donk & Scor-Zay-Zee was made on £48,000 and stands out in the multi-million production The Bourne Ultimatum.
So, everyone keep on going to his films so he doesn't end up washed up and sitting in Rita and Norris' Corner Kabin.
03/10/2009
Hollywood Studio Owners
Must know one of two, or both of something about Zombie movies:
A) The world is on the brink of a nuclear holocaust, global warming destruction or another ice age and are warning us that we have to get good at beating up and killing mutants or zombies, or both?
B) Zombie films sell.
Many people's favourite genres of movies are zombie films, don't know why, but yeah they are. Well, anyway, Hollywood have given us another Zombie movie to digest this Autumn/Winter, Zombieland. Zombieland has that dude in who's in every film you see nowadays (Adventureland, Superbad) and also has Woody Harrellson, the actor who fronted one of my favourite films, The Farrelly brother's Kingpin. Anyway, here is the trailer that looks pretty funny and pumped with shit loads of blood drooling mother fuckers.
Also this: "Shortly after finishing the filming of Zombieland, Woody Harrelson had an altercation with a TMZ photographer at New York City's La Guardia Airport. His defense was that he was still in character and thought the cameraman was a zombie"
02/10/09 (Do not know whether that is American or British release date)
A) The world is on the brink of a nuclear holocaust, global warming destruction or another ice age and are warning us that we have to get good at beating up and killing mutants or zombies, or both?
B) Zombie films sell.
Many people's favourite genres of movies are zombie films, don't know why, but yeah they are. Well, anyway, Hollywood have given us another Zombie movie to digest this Autumn/Winter, Zombieland. Zombieland has that dude in who's in every film you see nowadays (Adventureland, Superbad) and also has Woody Harrellson, the actor who fronted one of my favourite films, The Farrelly brother's Kingpin. Anyway, here is the trailer that looks pretty funny and pumped with shit loads of blood drooling mother fuckers.
Also this: "Shortly after finishing the filming of Zombieland, Woody Harrelson had an altercation with a TMZ photographer at New York City's La Guardia Airport. His defense was that he was still in character and thought the cameraman was a zombie"
02/10/09 (Do not know whether that is American or British release date)
02/10/2009
Scout Niblett
There was once a person called Keith Moon, he was the fourth member of a rock band called The Who, who were once called The High Numbers as well, but, Keith Moon was known for his explosive lifestyle. Anyway, after a while of listening to The Who I started to read about the members who made the music I loved so much, my research saw me see that Keith Moon was renowned for 'avin it large and that. This, I loved. I wanted a slice of the cocaine sprinkled rocky mountain cake. I wanted to be Keith Moon.
Sadly, over time, I grew out of my phase of wanting to be Moon the Loon, instead I listened to Cat Power for many a year (two), however, only recently have I discovered you, Scout Niblett and you're more what I was looking for in my music. You're my jam on toast! My starburst when times are hard! My Hollyoaks Omnibus when hungover.
However, if I catch you flirting with Billy 'THE PRINCE' Ginger Pubes one more time I will jump on the Megabus and travel till I meet one of the edges of the world and shoot you, there will be no kiss to save you...apart from maybe Gene Simmons, if he's done making Lil' Chris the next Bono.
Sadly, over time, I grew out of my phase of wanting to be Moon the Loon, instead I listened to Cat Power for many a year (two), however, only recently have I discovered you, Scout Niblett and you're more what I was looking for in my music. You're my jam on toast! My starburst when times are hard! My Hollyoaks Omnibus when hungover.
However, if I catch you flirting with Billy 'THE PRINCE' Ginger Pubes one more time I will jump on the Megabus and travel till I meet one of the edges of the world and shoot you, there will be no kiss to save you...apart from maybe Gene Simmons, if he's done making Lil' Chris the next Bono.
Freshers Round Up
A list of every awesome and cringeworthy thing I've done in the past two weeks:
1. Drank 10 bottles of cheap French lager and KO'd it before 10pm
2. Tried to steal a hoover from a flat party and been thrown out
3. Being locked in a toilet by a faulty lock, consequently getting the party shut down
4. Sneaking up on unsuspecting residents and shouting "only me"
5. Walking home from Revolution by propping myself up on the wall
6. Losing £20, to later have it given back
7. Collected 40 phone numbers for the EDL march on the 5th
8. Attempting to boot down the door of the neighbours coz I can
9. Spewing up because of the smell of someone else puking up
10. Dancing to Shimmy Shimmy Ya at 7AM by myself in the communal kitchen
11. Being awake till 9AM and watching the sun rise
12. Picking Will up by my neck when he was plastered
13. Sitting around the kitchen all day, everyday since Wednesday morning
14. Cutting my hand open, so that you can now see muscle and flesh, by hitting it on the floor after play fighting
15. Eating people's left over food they've left when gone to bed
16. Being the go-to-guy when you need directions around Manchester
17. Drinking six White Russians in about 45 minutes and not being sick
18. Falling asleep in a boring lecture
19. Not turning up for seminars coz I'm a tough guy and couldn't be arsed finding the room
20. Seeing Nick Cave and then rushing out because we couldn't afford his new book
21. Eating tinned food and pizzas for two weeks - banquet
22. Smashing my head on the stairs of Joe's building block and then having to have Anna guide me back home
23. Choking Ava coz she had beef
24. Having the girl with glasses who worked at The Imp in my globalisation class...I avoid her
25. Having my arse ripped to shreds by sub-standard toilet paper and having to go into Geoffrey Manton building on my day off (today) to steal some toilet paper
Drink Responsibly
1. Drank 10 bottles of cheap French lager and KO'd it before 10pm
2. Tried to steal a hoover from a flat party and been thrown out
3. Being locked in a toilet by a faulty lock, consequently getting the party shut down
4. Sneaking up on unsuspecting residents and shouting "only me"
5. Walking home from Revolution by propping myself up on the wall
6. Losing £20, to later have it given back
7. Collected 40 phone numbers for the EDL march on the 5th
8. Attempting to boot down the door of the neighbours coz I can
9. Spewing up because of the smell of someone else puking up
10. Dancing to Shimmy Shimmy Ya at 7AM by myself in the communal kitchen
11. Being awake till 9AM and watching the sun rise
12. Picking Will up by my neck when he was plastered
13. Sitting around the kitchen all day, everyday since Wednesday morning
14. Cutting my hand open, so that you can now see muscle and flesh, by hitting it on the floor after play fighting
15. Eating people's left over food they've left when gone to bed
16. Being the go-to-guy when you need directions around Manchester
17. Drinking six White Russians in about 45 minutes and not being sick
18. Falling asleep in a boring lecture
19. Not turning up for seminars coz I'm a tough guy and couldn't be arsed finding the room
20. Seeing Nick Cave and then rushing out because we couldn't afford his new book
21. Eating tinned food and pizzas for two weeks - banquet
22. Smashing my head on the stairs of Joe's building block and then having to have Anna guide me back home
23. Choking Ava coz she had beef
24. Having the girl with glasses who worked at The Imp in my globalisation class...I avoid her
25. Having my arse ripped to shreds by sub-standard toilet paper and having to go into Geoffrey Manton building on my day off (today) to steal some toilet paper
Drink Responsibly
23/09/2009
More, More, More Film Releases
Greetings Travellers,
Another visit to the cinema today, to watch Fish Tank, meant I collected the pamphlet with all the new films being released in the next few weeks. There is a heavy load of good films comin' in the future - very excited.
First up, is The Army of Crime, directed by Robert Guediguain, who I've sadly never heard of before, but the movie was part of the Official Selection at the Cannes film festival. The cinemography appears to be in similar in vain to Romanzo Criminale and Meserine: Killer Instinct, which are only average and poor films. But, I'm not one to judge.
Released: 2/10/09 (Same date as Invention of Lying)
Secondly, Thirst, the story of a priest who becomes a Vampire, a shit sounding concept but a promosing looking movie nonetheless. Thirst is directed by Park Chan Wook, director of Oldboy, the best film I never saw after Amazon ruined me. The trailer looks cool, Wesley Snipes is shitting it in his little prison cell. There seems to be quite a large output of Vampire movies this year; Let the Right one in, Sexy Women Vampire Killers or whatever that piece of shit was called, Blood, Vampires and Science that is being released shortly as well.
Released: 23/10/09
I will make this one my last one or I'd have covered every interesting looking film for the next month and I need to write more blogs! This is a film that Mark Critchley should go and watch, and I might even take a quick holiday to Liverpool so I can go to the Abandon Normal Devices Film Festival. Yeah, the movies is: The Yes Men - Keep It Slick: Inflitrating Capitalism With the Yes Men. A very wordy title!
The Yes Men, keep it short, follows a group of political activist who create spoof events, websites and conferences and highlight how corporations and governmental organisations often act in dehumanising ways towards the public.
It's being held at Art and Design Academy, Liverpool John Moores University - 24th Oct/25th Oct and it's free.
Another visit to the cinema today, to watch Fish Tank, meant I collected the pamphlet with all the new films being released in the next few weeks. There is a heavy load of good films comin' in the future - very excited.
First up, is The Army of Crime, directed by Robert Guediguain, who I've sadly never heard of before, but the movie was part of the Official Selection at the Cannes film festival. The cinemography appears to be in similar in vain to Romanzo Criminale and Meserine: Killer Instinct, which are only average and poor films. But, I'm not one to judge.
Released: 2/10/09 (Same date as Invention of Lying)
Secondly, Thirst, the story of a priest who becomes a Vampire, a shit sounding concept but a promosing looking movie nonetheless. Thirst is directed by Park Chan Wook, director of Oldboy, the best film I never saw after Amazon ruined me. The trailer looks cool, Wesley Snipes is shitting it in his little prison cell. There seems to be quite a large output of Vampire movies this year; Let the Right one in, Sexy Women Vampire Killers or whatever that piece of shit was called, Blood, Vampires and Science that is being released shortly as well.
Released: 23/10/09
I will make this one my last one or I'd have covered every interesting looking film for the next month and I need to write more blogs! This is a film that Mark Critchley should go and watch, and I might even take a quick holiday to Liverpool so I can go to the Abandon Normal Devices Film Festival. Yeah, the movies is: The Yes Men - Keep It Slick: Inflitrating Capitalism With the Yes Men. A very wordy title!
The Yes Men, keep it short, follows a group of political activist who create spoof events, websites and conferences and highlight how corporations and governmental organisations often act in dehumanising ways towards the public.
It's being held at Art and Design Academy, Liverpool John Moores University - 24th Oct/25th Oct and it's free.
Nick Love and Danny Dyer - Critics of the Critics
Nick Love and Danny Dyer have a audio clip out, from the extras of Outlaw the film, and they complain about how they've been "cunted...by fucking broadsheets". Danny Dyer is way out of his league (Unibond Cockney) and just says "hmmm...exactly...hmmm....init" all the way through. But, he is a fackin' geezer.
22/09/2009
Mark it Zero
Do people take pleasure in taking two of the best clips in a film of all time and totally destroy them?
Coen Brothers and John Goodman deserve more respect than this shit.
And, let me tell you something bandero, you flash a piece out on the lane and i'll take it out your hand and shove it up your arse till it goes click.....8yr olds, Dude. Instead of bringing the Dude back they should do a film about Jesus, what a guy.
In Coen Brothers related news I recently watched Fargo again and it was the funniest I've ever seen it. That's all.
Coen Brothers and John Goodman deserve more respect than this shit.
And, let me tell you something bandero, you flash a piece out on the lane and i'll take it out your hand and shove it up your arse till it goes click.....8yr olds, Dude. Instead of bringing the Dude back they should do a film about Jesus, what a guy.
In Coen Brothers related news I recently watched Fargo again and it was the funniest I've ever seen it. That's all.
Oh...
Isn't it funny when people get outed for filthy little sex pests, it's usually fascists as well - Hitler and Mosley, and one of them only had one ball.
This article is from the Manchester Evening News - the perks of livin' in AMERICA!
A MARRIED dentist pranced around in a leopard-print thong shouting 'get a load of that' and had sex with a nurse at his surgery, a hearing was told.
Anthony Barton, 36, developed a pattern of `sexually motivated behaviour' towards four dental nurses at the dental practice where he worked in Wigan over eight years, it was said.
He regularly groped their bottoms and asked them inappropriate questions, the General Dental Council heard. And, it was told, he cavorted with one nurse - while other members of staff were upstairs.
Barton faces 17 charges in relation to his conduct towards the nurses from 2000 to last year.
Lydia Barnfather, for the GDC, said: “The conduct towards these dental nurses, the council says, shows a pattern of behaviour sexually motivated to transgress both the verbal and physical boundaries and standards to be expected of an individual in his professional position.”
Dental nurse Ms A claims Mr Barton would pull at her knickers as she bent over and try to undo her bra through her tunic.
Miss Barnfather said: “It was indecent touching by itself, however these things were accompanied by conversations of a sexual nature and against a backdrop of unwelcome sexual references.”
She said Mr Barton then began a consensual affair with a dental nurse Ms B.
'Cavorted'
It was claimed the pair cavorted while practice partners were upstairs.
Another dental nurse, Ms D, once walked in on the couple in a ‘compromising position’, it was said. Barton is also alleged to have inappropriately touched another dental nurse, Ms C.
The allegations finally came to light when Ms D complained.
She said Mr Barton had touched her bottom in his surgery room and showed her pictures of celebrities exposing themselves, in between seeing patients.
She saw Mr Barton prancing around in a leopard-print thong, shouting ‘get a lot of that’, the panel heard.
Mr Barton is alleged to have told her she would ‘go far’ if she did not report his behaviour.
Resigned
In June last year, Ms D reported the alleged sexual touching to the practice manager and subsequently the partners.
Mr Barton admitted in a staff interview that ‘I’m guilty of crossing the line’ but declared that ‘if no one had found out it may have happened again’.
He then resigned in August last year, and his partners reported him to the GDC.
Mr Barton denies various allegations that he touched Ms A, Ms C and Ms D. He also claims he did not have a sexual relationship with Ms B during surgery hours.
Mr Barton admits that his conduct towards Ms B was unprofessional and inappropriate and that his conduct towards Ms D was also indecent.
Mr Barton, of Porch House Farm, Runcorn Road, Higher Walton, Warrington, denies misconduct and that his fitness to practise is impaired.
He faces being struck off if he is found guilty.
Proceeding.
This article is from the Manchester Evening News - the perks of livin' in AMERICA!
A MARRIED dentist pranced around in a leopard-print thong shouting 'get a load of that' and had sex with a nurse at his surgery, a hearing was told.
Anthony Barton, 36, developed a pattern of `sexually motivated behaviour' towards four dental nurses at the dental practice where he worked in Wigan over eight years, it was said.
He regularly groped their bottoms and asked them inappropriate questions, the General Dental Council heard. And, it was told, he cavorted with one nurse - while other members of staff were upstairs.
Barton faces 17 charges in relation to his conduct towards the nurses from 2000 to last year.
Lydia Barnfather, for the GDC, said: “The conduct towards these dental nurses, the council says, shows a pattern of behaviour sexually motivated to transgress both the verbal and physical boundaries and standards to be expected of an individual in his professional position.”
Dental nurse Ms A claims Mr Barton would pull at her knickers as she bent over and try to undo her bra through her tunic.
Miss Barnfather said: “It was indecent touching by itself, however these things were accompanied by conversations of a sexual nature and against a backdrop of unwelcome sexual references.”
She said Mr Barton then began a consensual affair with a dental nurse Ms B.
'Cavorted'
It was claimed the pair cavorted while practice partners were upstairs.
Another dental nurse, Ms D, once walked in on the couple in a ‘compromising position’, it was said. Barton is also alleged to have inappropriately touched another dental nurse, Ms C.
The allegations finally came to light when Ms D complained.
She said Mr Barton had touched her bottom in his surgery room and showed her pictures of celebrities exposing themselves, in between seeing patients.
She saw Mr Barton prancing around in a leopard-print thong, shouting ‘get a lot of that’, the panel heard.
Mr Barton is alleged to have told her she would ‘go far’ if she did not report his behaviour.
Resigned
In June last year, Ms D reported the alleged sexual touching to the practice manager and subsequently the partners.
Mr Barton admitted in a staff interview that ‘I’m guilty of crossing the line’ but declared that ‘if no one had found out it may have happened again’.
He then resigned in August last year, and his partners reported him to the GDC.
Mr Barton denies various allegations that he touched Ms A, Ms C and Ms D. He also claims he did not have a sexual relationship with Ms B during surgery hours.
Mr Barton admits that his conduct towards Ms B was unprofessional and inappropriate and that his conduct towards Ms D was also indecent.
Mr Barton, of Porch House Farm, Runcorn Road, Higher Walton, Warrington, denies misconduct and that his fitness to practise is impaired.
He faces being struck off if he is found guilty.
Proceeding.
"This is the greatest movie ever made"
Ricky Gervais. What a wild card!
The Invention of Lying:
Released: 02/10/09
Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee is Shane Meadow's follow on film from the disappointing and pointless Somers Town. This film doesn't look amazing, it isn't a new or original project, been done before, but I'll watch this anyhow to keep up with the [cinema] Jones'. 0/5 for Originality.
Released: 09/10/09
Everyone says that Superbad is awesome or okay, never watched it, just word of mouth init. Watched this trailer, didn't laugh once. Probably wouldn't even watch the trailer if I was you, just thought I'd put this up here to say I don't like the trailer. Also, the park leader is quite obviously a John Cleese character. 0/5 for originality.
Out now.
The Invention of Lying:
Released: 02/10/09
Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee is Shane Meadow's follow on film from the disappointing and pointless Somers Town. This film doesn't look amazing, it isn't a new or original project, been done before, but I'll watch this anyhow to keep up with the [cinema] Jones'. 0/5 for Originality.
Released: 09/10/09
Everyone says that Superbad is awesome or okay, never watched it, just word of mouth init. Watched this trailer, didn't laugh once. Probably wouldn't even watch the trailer if I was you, just thought I'd put this up here to say I don't like the trailer. Also, the park leader is quite obviously a John Cleese character. 0/5 for originality.
Out now.
17/09/2009
Crash Bandicoot
Many, many years ago, maybe 13 years ago – a superstitious number and an extremely unlucky number if your parents know Michael Jackson. My extremely happy relationship with this Doctor Cortex creation started one Christmas when Crash Bandicoot, the original game, was in my Xmas sack.
I remember one day defeating three bosses in one day, so my dad banned me from the Playstation and then proceeded to complete the game before me. What a soccer dad! Also, Jamie Staziker once came around and played on it and got banned by my Dad, because he didn’t like his style of playing the game; “button bashing and running. You never collect the Wumpa fruit”, not his precise words, but it was that sentence with different wording.
Two days ago, whilst stealing money, I found Crash Team Racing on the Gameboy and it has now become my waking up, just before bed and toilet activity – basically it has knocked wanking into 2nd priority.
Many good memories of Crash Bandicoot, later on today, whilst packing for university I am going to look for the Playstation versions of the game – wasn’t a big fan of the game they released on PS2 though – went too mainstream!!! I also remember the less successful re-boots, maybe I grew out of them and the Ratchet & Clank rip off which I played until I got stuck on about the sixth mission, that game was too highbrow for oneself.
I could never afford to have both Crash and Spyro on the Xmas list – were you Spyro or Crash kid?
15/09/2009
Bourne Supremecy
Today, shamefully, I went on the search around my house to steal petty amounts of money from my siblings – I found £1.12. Result. However, during the search I found products that are priceless: Gameboy Advance with a wide array of games (Crash Team Racing, The Incredibles, Tomb Raider and Sonic), Fantastic Mr. Fox and half a dozen DVD’s.
Among the DVD’s was Bourne Supremacy – The ‘American’ Bond movie, despite having a British director. I will refrain from making comparisons throughout this post, maybe one, but you have to allow me that. Me, Mark Critchley and John Foley watched Bourne Supremacy when it was released a few years ago, I cannot remember what we said about the movie – knowing how we were in the past it probably would have been a few muttered words, either “gay” or “alright” and then ventured back into taking the piss out of one another.
So, I watched Bourne Supremacy with a clean slate, I remembered nothing from the first time I watched it apart from that Paddy Considine was in it. The film is fast paced all the way through it, but this does not mean there is a lack of dialogue or character building, quite the opposite. All the while there is dialogue there is tension building up; the perfect example is while the CIA is tracking Simon Ross (Considine) at his Guardian newspaper office. Something a lot of action movies fail to do (see, I didn’t mention Bond!) and tend to lose the interest of the audience for a while until more rockets are shot up the arse of the Middle East.
My favourite parts of the movie were the Waterloo station sequence of events, which showed that suspense and action can be built up without blowing the shit out of London and then cruising off in a Ferrari or hover-craft. David Strathairn who plays Noah Veson is despicable and doesn’t own a cat (Dr Evil – Austin Powers). Thirdly, America is the villain in this movie, unlike Rambo, Expandables and Steven Segal movies were the baddie is always an Arab, Eastern European or Russian. Finally, my overall favourite part of the movie was the filming of the hand-to-hand combat scenes whilst in Africa. Whilst watching this part of the film I thought “this must have taken weeks to put all together”, it is expertly done and the shaky hand held effect gets you much more involved than fly-on-the-wall camera views.
Overall, a very enjoyable movie that will probably be dismissed by a lot of people because of its nature, but I enjoyed it a lot and would recommend it. Much better than the recent (last 30 years!) Bond movies, with a better cast, more realism and more believable characters (no men with three nipples, flying circuses or Japanese butlers with killer hats), Matt Damon plays Matt Damon just right, that ain’t no bad thing.
4.5/5
Among the DVD’s was Bourne Supremacy – The ‘American’ Bond movie, despite having a British director. I will refrain from making comparisons throughout this post, maybe one, but you have to allow me that. Me, Mark Critchley and John Foley watched Bourne Supremacy when it was released a few years ago, I cannot remember what we said about the movie – knowing how we were in the past it probably would have been a few muttered words, either “gay” or “alright” and then ventured back into taking the piss out of one another.
So, I watched Bourne Supremacy with a clean slate, I remembered nothing from the first time I watched it apart from that Paddy Considine was in it. The film is fast paced all the way through it, but this does not mean there is a lack of dialogue or character building, quite the opposite. All the while there is dialogue there is tension building up; the perfect example is while the CIA is tracking Simon Ross (Considine) at his Guardian newspaper office. Something a lot of action movies fail to do (see, I didn’t mention Bond!) and tend to lose the interest of the audience for a while until more rockets are shot up the arse of the Middle East.
My favourite parts of the movie were the Waterloo station sequence of events, which showed that suspense and action can be built up without blowing the shit out of London and then cruising off in a Ferrari or hover-craft. David Strathairn who plays Noah Veson is despicable and doesn’t own a cat (Dr Evil – Austin Powers). Thirdly, America is the villain in this movie, unlike Rambo, Expandables and Steven Segal movies were the baddie is always an Arab, Eastern European or Russian. Finally, my overall favourite part of the movie was the filming of the hand-to-hand combat scenes whilst in Africa. Whilst watching this part of the film I thought “this must have taken weeks to put all together”, it is expertly done and the shaky hand held effect gets you much more involved than fly-on-the-wall camera views.
Overall, a very enjoyable movie that will probably be dismissed by a lot of people because of its nature, but I enjoyed it a lot and would recommend it. Much better than the recent (last 30 years!) Bond movies, with a better cast, more realism and more believable characters (no men with three nipples, flying circuses or Japanese butlers with killer hats), Matt Damon plays Matt Damon just right, that ain’t no bad thing.
4.5/5
12/09/2009
Monkey Magic
Born from an egg on a mountain top
The punkiest monkey that ever popped
He knew every magic trick under the sun
To tease the Gods and everyone and have some fun
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
What a cocky, saucy monkey this one is
All the Gods were angered and they punished him
Until he was saved by a kindly priest
And that was the start of their pilgrimage west
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
With a little bit of Monkey Magic, you'll see fireworks tonight.
With a little bit of Monkey Magic, everything will be alright.
The punkiest monkey that ever popped
He knew every magic trick under the sun
To tease the Gods and everyone and have some fun
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
What a cocky, saucy monkey this one is
All the Gods were angered and they punished him
Until he was saved by a kindly priest
And that was the start of their pilgrimage west
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic. Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic.
With a little bit of Monkey Magic, you'll see fireworks tonight.
With a little bit of Monkey Magic, everything will be alright.
FAO: Prospective actors and investors
In my head I have seen the perfect introduction to my new movie – it’s a homage [stolen] from the first series of Japanese children’s programme – Monkey.
The sequence will be accompanied with Les and Ray by Le Tigre. I am a visionary for our generation, and those that will follow. I’m ready for a night of writing my baby; I’ve got my Armani glasses on and ready to get into the mind of the common kid.
A theatre for the common man. I’m on the brink of something really big. I’m a younger Barton Fink.
I’ve also had another idea for a film, based around a young lady who cannot accept her demons and until she will she will be haunted by them and push those away who want to help her. The subplot being that one of the demons is becoming human with a family.
I’ve been informed Joel Schumacher has pitched my idea to universal and wants to cast George Clooney as a superhero with in-built nipples in his batsuit.
The sequence will be accompanied with Les and Ray by Le Tigre. I am a visionary for our generation, and those that will follow. I’m ready for a night of writing my baby; I’ve got my Armani glasses on and ready to get into the mind of the common kid.
A theatre for the common man. I’m on the brink of something really big. I’m a younger Barton Fink.
I’ve also had another idea for a film, based around a young lady who cannot accept her demons and until she will she will be haunted by them and push those away who want to help her. The subplot being that one of the demons is becoming human with a family.
I’ve been informed Joel Schumacher has pitched my idea to universal and wants to cast George Clooney as a superhero with in-built nipples in his batsuit.
More New Films
Up in the Air
Jason Reitman’s third film, Up in the Air, stars George Clooney. Normally I wouldn’t watch movies like this, but Reitman directed Thank you for Smoking, and seeing as that is one of my favourite films this is definitely worth a watch.
Released: 25/11/09 (Same date as Men Who Stare at Goats!)
The Road
The Road is an adaptation of The Road, written by Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men) and starring Viggo Mortensen and Charlize Theron (who only appears in flashbacks) The story is a tale of father and son who are trying to make it to the coast, but getting into trouble with cannibals along the way in a post-apocalyptic America. The film is already receiving positive reviews. But more importantly Nick Cave and Warren Ellis supply the soundtrack for this movie, like they did for the Jesse James movie.
Released: 16/10/09
[skip the first 43 seconds of the trailer]
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Yet another adaptation, albeit this movie and book being a little less serious in tone as The Road. Directed by Wes Anderson, who has an all-star cast, including: George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jarvis Cocker (soundtrack), Owen Wilson, William Dafoe and Bill Murray, at his disposal for the voicing of this animated movie. The trailer seems funny, I’ve seen it before I watched it again today and didn’t find it that funny, but it seems funny again – but there are quite a lot of good films on the same week, so hopefully it’ll fulfill two weeks at the cinema and then I can watch it then, as the 25th of November week has so many strong looking films coming out.
Released: 25/11/09
Jason Reitman’s third film, Up in the Air, stars George Clooney. Normally I wouldn’t watch movies like this, but Reitman directed Thank you for Smoking, and seeing as that is one of my favourite films this is definitely worth a watch.
Released: 25/11/09 (Same date as Men Who Stare at Goats!)
The Road
The Road is an adaptation of The Road, written by Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men) and starring Viggo Mortensen and Charlize Theron (who only appears in flashbacks) The story is a tale of father and son who are trying to make it to the coast, but getting into trouble with cannibals along the way in a post-apocalyptic America. The film is already receiving positive reviews. But more importantly Nick Cave and Warren Ellis supply the soundtrack for this movie, like they did for the Jesse James movie.
Released: 16/10/09
[skip the first 43 seconds of the trailer]
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Yet another adaptation, albeit this movie and book being a little less serious in tone as The Road. Directed by Wes Anderson, who has an all-star cast, including: George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jarvis Cocker (soundtrack), Owen Wilson, William Dafoe and Bill Murray, at his disposal for the voicing of this animated movie. The trailer seems funny, I’ve seen it before I watched it again today and didn’t find it that funny, but it seems funny again – but there are quite a lot of good films on the same week, so hopefully it’ll fulfill two weeks at the cinema and then I can watch it then, as the 25th of November week has so many strong looking films coming out.
Released: 25/11/09
School Children
Six weeks of English summer, mostly pissing down and glimmers of change when the sun stops from wanking over African crops to bless our anaemic ridden school children with seventy two hours worth of shooting each other with make belief guns made of sticks, and the occasional tree trunk if you think you’re a member of the Baldwin family in a Stanley Kubrick Vietnam War movie.
Well, a disgusting little poverty ridden schmucks decide to go back to school with a fucking cold and spread it around school. Why don’t the little mother fuckers just stay at home and have another four days holiday, instead of passing the Black Death around Chorley?
Lindsay Hoyle has motioned in the House of Commons to have all children with colds to be chemically castrated, being a knee jerk liberal, I believe this is a little heavy handed, but at least whip them or summat. Bring back the birch!
I’m too young to die.
Well, a disgusting little poverty ridden schmucks decide to go back to school with a fucking cold and spread it around school. Why don’t the little mother fuckers just stay at home and have another four days holiday, instead of passing the Black Death around Chorley?
Lindsay Hoyle has motioned in the House of Commons to have all children with colds to be chemically castrated, being a knee jerk liberal, I believe this is a little heavy handed, but at least whip them or summat. Bring back the birch!
I’m too young to die.
11/09/2009
Gordon Strachan Quotes
The deadliest humour in football, unlike Glenn Hoddle.
1. Reporter: “Gordon, can we have a quick word, please?”
Strachan: “Velocity” [Walks Away]
2. Reporter: Can I ask you about Augustin Delgado
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Augstin Delgado.
3. Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I’m useless."
4. Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You’re spot on! You can read me like a book.
5. Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you’re spot on there.
6. Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.
7. Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I don’t care, I'm Scottish
8. Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.
9. Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there….
10. Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.
The pick of the bunch is obviously this one…
On Wayne Rooney being called up for international duty: “It’s an incredible rise to stardom; at 17 you’re more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson”
1. Reporter: “Gordon, can we have a quick word, please?”
Strachan: “Velocity” [Walks Away]
2. Reporter: Can I ask you about Augustin Delgado
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Augstin Delgado.
3. Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I’m useless."
4. Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You’re spot on! You can read me like a book.
5. Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you’re spot on there.
6. Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.
7. Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I don’t care, I'm Scottish
8. Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.
9. Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there….
10. Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.
The pick of the bunch is obviously this one…
On Wayne Rooney being called up for international duty: “It’s an incredible rise to stardom; at 17 you’re more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson”
09/09/2009
Henry Rollins ain't shit but bitches and whores
It’s time for affirmative action; my secretly depressed lifestyle has got to come to an end. I’ve had enough of being so paranoid I have to edit my facebook information every three hours, thus I’ve deleted the entire fucking thing all over again. So, Mark I'll see you at the Holy Cross school re-union in 10 years time. and Marcus I'll see you in politics at University.
Also, why the fuck is my hair thinning? This is not fair. Not even like with losing my hair I am gaining intelligence, that is just a pack full of catholic ridden lies by the head of year 11 at Holy Cross High School!
Look how fucking bald I am becoming – a Wigan fan does not deserve this biological curse!
Also, why the fuck is my hair thinning? This is not fair. Not even like with losing my hair I am gaining intelligence, that is just a pack full of catholic ridden lies by the head of year 11 at Holy Cross High School!
Look how fucking bald I am becoming – a Wigan fan does not deserve this biological curse!
Hong Kong Women’s Film Makers Festival
Cornerhouse, former victim to Bloke’s Factions reign of occupation, has decided to put on a Hong Kong women’s film festival, and I have selected the movies I am going to watch. They are as follows:
Ming Ming, Directed by Susie Au – Synopsis:
Ming Ming steals money and a wooden box from gangster Brother Cat, hoping to use her ill gotten gains to flee with D, a boxer she has fallen for. Cat unleashes a series of henchmen to stop her and as she passes on the money to Tu. As he tries to escape he meets Nana who looks just like Ming Ming. In a pair of energetic performances top mainland actress Zhou Xun plays both Ming Ming and Nana alongside Hong Kong heart-throb Daniel Wu.
The Way We Are, Directed by Ann Hui – Synopsis:
This quietly understated film follows the life of mother and son - Mrs Cheung and Ka-0n – as they get on with their lives in Hong Kong’s ‘City of Sadness’, Tin Shui Wai. Shot on HD, Ann Hui delivers a film that whilst far from didactic, offers a glimpse of everyday life in all its quiet nobility.
Anna and Anna, Directed by Aubrey Lam – Synopsis:
Karena Lam plays Anna, a successful woman living in Singapore. She moves to Shanghai when offered a job and whilst there bumps into someone who looks very much like her… With a heavy influence from Kieslowski’s The Double Life of Véronique, Anna & Anna succeeds in finding its finds its own voice and explores what might happen if we meet another version of ourselves who has taken another route through life.
Secondary School, Directed by Tammy Cheung – Synopsis
Shot over three months, the film chronicles the daily lives of two well-respected "Band One" secondary schools, one for boys and one for girls. Using the "direct cinema" approach, the documentary takes a close look at the present condition of the troubled school system and the children, teachers and parents who are all part of it in some way.
Anyway, that was quite a lot of hard work in copy and pasting this information from www.cornerhouse.org/film
Ming Ming, Directed by Susie Au – Synopsis:
Ming Ming steals money and a wooden box from gangster Brother Cat, hoping to use her ill gotten gains to flee with D, a boxer she has fallen for. Cat unleashes a series of henchmen to stop her and as she passes on the money to Tu. As he tries to escape he meets Nana who looks just like Ming Ming. In a pair of energetic performances top mainland actress Zhou Xun plays both Ming Ming and Nana alongside Hong Kong heart-throb Daniel Wu.
The Way We Are, Directed by Ann Hui – Synopsis:
This quietly understated film follows the life of mother and son - Mrs Cheung and Ka-0n – as they get on with their lives in Hong Kong’s ‘City of Sadness’, Tin Shui Wai. Shot on HD, Ann Hui delivers a film that whilst far from didactic, offers a glimpse of everyday life in all its quiet nobility.
Anna and Anna, Directed by Aubrey Lam – Synopsis:
Karena Lam plays Anna, a successful woman living in Singapore. She moves to Shanghai when offered a job and whilst there bumps into someone who looks very much like her… With a heavy influence from Kieslowski’s The Double Life of Véronique, Anna & Anna succeeds in finding its finds its own voice and explores what might happen if we meet another version of ourselves who has taken another route through life.
Secondary School, Directed by Tammy Cheung – Synopsis
Shot over three months, the film chronicles the daily lives of two well-respected "Band One" secondary schools, one for boys and one for girls. Using the "direct cinema" approach, the documentary takes a close look at the present condition of the troubled school system and the children, teachers and parents who are all part of it in some way.
Anyway, that was quite a lot of hard work in copy and pasting this information from www.cornerhouse.org/film
soon to be released movies
Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins star in the Wolfman remake of the 1941 horror movie of the same name. Is that enough big names for you? No! Well, Wolfman is also directed by Joe Johnston, responsible for the cinematic classics; Jumanji and Jurassic Park III. The trailer doesn’t show the movie in great light, but I doubt the movie itself will shine in great light anyway. It looks like a poor mans Van Helsing and League of Extraordinary Gentleman! But, I do have a pet-hate for movies in the same light of this.
To be released: 12/02/2010
Steven Soderbergh returns after saying ‘he can see the end of his career’ just after the release of Che Part II, what consequently starred the previously mentioned Del Toro. However, this time the star of the film is box office, world police and CIA smashin’ Matt Damon. Damon looks pretty funny so far in this film, I confess that I don’t mind the Bourne Trilogy, and am quite looking forward to this movie.
Released on the: 18/09/2009
Fish Tank, Andrea Arnold’s follow up to 2006’s Red Road, follows a 16yr Essex teenage girl with aspirations of becoming a dancer. The film also stars Michael Fassbender, who recently starred in Inglourious Basterds. I’ve been looking forward to this film since God knows when.
Released: 11/09/2009
To be released: 12/02/2010
Steven Soderbergh returns after saying ‘he can see the end of his career’ just after the release of Che Part II, what consequently starred the previously mentioned Del Toro. However, this time the star of the film is box office, world police and CIA smashin’ Matt Damon. Damon looks pretty funny so far in this film, I confess that I don’t mind the Bourne Trilogy, and am quite looking forward to this movie.
Released on the: 18/09/2009
Fish Tank, Andrea Arnold’s follow up to 2006’s Red Road, follows a 16yr Essex teenage girl with aspirations of becoming a dancer. The film also stars Michael Fassbender, who recently starred in Inglourious Basterds. I’ve been looking forward to this film since God knows when.
Released: 11/09/2009
08/09/2009
Trillion Dollar Man
We will start nice and easily with a little (I Wish!) amount of money - $100
Now, let's get into $10,000 - so little that you could fit it into your pocket and fritter it away on cocaine and alco-pops
The money that was guarded by 10 security guards at the Millenium Dome, the hugely unimpressive $1,000,000
Now we're getting into the big boy's league - the kind of money that David Beckham does have lying around his many houses, and the kind of money KAKA could have had if he moved to Greater Manchester...$100,000,000
Getting even sillier we move into money that very few people have and would happily pay a museam to drool at for a couple of minutes...100,000,000,000
Finally we reach the amount it takes to invade a Middle Eastern country for a couple of weeks, A TRILLION DOLLARS!!!
Now, let's get into $10,000 - so little that you could fit it into your pocket and fritter it away on cocaine and alco-pops
The money that was guarded by 10 security guards at the Millenium Dome, the hugely unimpressive $1,000,000
Now we're getting into the big boy's league - the kind of money that David Beckham does have lying around his many houses, and the kind of money KAKA could have had if he moved to Greater Manchester...$100,000,000
Getting even sillier we move into money that very few people have and would happily pay a museam to drool at for a couple of minutes...100,000,000,000
Finally we reach the amount it takes to invade a Middle Eastern country for a couple of weeks, A TRILLION DOLLARS!!!
07/09/2009
I Am Damo Suzuki
Using my telepathic gift I know that all of you out there have wished a bunch of lads would sit around and quote the Office for a weekend, whilst being surrounded by a supporting cast of egotistical kitchen sink manatees.
This weekend the lads hit London; Bringing Northern charm and good looks to a parasite army. To create an idea of the crowd for you – think V Festival, but the total opposite. V Festival is the laid back and cool uncle, whilst Offset is your drunken mother on Xmas day.
Never have I been to a place to be the only person to be wearing a football logo before this weekend. Instead the weekend was dominated by trilbies – I understand, we’re going through a credit crunch as bad as that of 1929 and people want to create a romantic utopia in dreadful times, but there is one problem – you’re not an apple seller who still lies to his wife and says he is still a banker/luxury salesman so that he saves face.
So why dress like a cock muncher? You’re not cool. Paul Jewell does not like you. Thatcher and Reagan do not respect fashion. Fashion is not yr sex slave. Coco Chanel is not your old dinner lady. You’re not a plumber, buy a belt. You’re not poor, buy a new pair of jeans. You’re not Noel Fielding, have a haircut. You’re not a bloody bloke.
Rant Over, Buddy.
This weekend the lads hit London; Bringing Northern charm and good looks to a parasite army. To create an idea of the crowd for you – think V Festival, but the total opposite. V Festival is the laid back and cool uncle, whilst Offset is your drunken mother on Xmas day.
Never have I been to a place to be the only person to be wearing a football logo before this weekend. Instead the weekend was dominated by trilbies – I understand, we’re going through a credit crunch as bad as that of 1929 and people want to create a romantic utopia in dreadful times, but there is one problem – you’re not an apple seller who still lies to his wife and says he is still a banker/luxury salesman so that he saves face.
So why dress like a cock muncher? You’re not cool. Paul Jewell does not like you. Thatcher and Reagan do not respect fashion. Fashion is not yr sex slave. Coco Chanel is not your old dinner lady. You’re not a plumber, buy a belt. You’re not poor, buy a new pair of jeans. You’re not Noel Fielding, have a haircut. You’re not a bloody bloke.
Rant Over, Buddy.
Monkey!
Put your hand up if you’re a fan of Monkey! I’ve just bought this pop-culture 1970’s Japanese masterpiece of children’s television. I remember watching this as a child, but I’m not a child of the seventies and it was my favourite programme, along with Captain Scarlet and Thomas the Tank Engine.
Looking forward to watching Monkey! Will tell you what I feel about it once I’ve watched it all the way through.
Seinfeld Series 1-3 for sale/swap if anyone wants to cut a juicy deal.
Looking forward to watching Monkey! Will tell you what I feel about it once I’ve watched it all the way through.
Seinfeld Series 1-3 for sale/swap if anyone wants to cut a juicy deal.
01/09/2009
Ramblings of a Mad Man: The Shock Doctrine
Tonight @ 22:00 hours on More4 I watched Michael Winterbottom’s (A director you will know best for 24 Hour Party People) screen adaptation of Naomi Klein’s book, The Shock Doctrine, a film that Klein herself has disowned due to differences in the structure and tone of the movie, quickly I will sum up the dispute; Klein wanted less narration and more interviews with sufferers and those behind the shock doctrine, instead Winterbottom has gone for narration. I understand where Klein is coming from on this issue, yes there is plenty of evidence and backbone to the minor clips of theoretical discussion Klein puts across, but sadly, there just isn’t enough theoretical discussion in this movie, a tiny amount so that the average viewer knows what is going on but not enough to totally engage you with her wider argument. So, due to this I will have to buy her book once it decides to fall in price.
Saying that The Shock Doctrine is still an enjoyable and educating film, and to balance the two can often be hard as too much of one can turn a film inaccurate and too much of the other can make you fall asleep.
The film begins with showing what The Shock Doctrine is in psychiatric terms, it tells us that it is a way to gain intelligence from the enemy through torture – sleep deprivation, barking dogs, dazing etc. and how it was first discovered that these techniques garnered information.
Next we see the teachings of economist Milton Friedman, basically unregulated economy with no state intervention – for you budding GCSE students out there ‘keep your hands off what isn’t yours!’ and how Friedman started academies and taught students in Chile, before and after the Pinochet military coup. The Pinochet coup and regime was the most insightful and frightening showcase of the powers of the Shock Doctrine - thousands of men and women ‘disappearing’ and ultimately being murdered, protests being broken up, supreme poverty due to Friedman’s economic manifesto. During Pinochet’s reign early on, and even later, a huge rise in poverty was shown and the rich got fatter simply. However, at the same time Winterbottom shows that these policies where not able to be carried out in Western democracies due to General Elections, instead Western economies often found boosts from the government, like America before the re-election of Tricky Dicky.
However, comparisons are drawn between Milk Snatcher Thatcher and Pinochet, both who did steal the milk from the kiddies. Thatcher carried out the same tactics of Pinochet, just under a more legitimate cloud. She showed this through her use of the police force to break up the coal strikes in 1984-1985 and also the war against Argentina. The war in Argentina is depicted as imperialist and a way for Thatcher to re-assert her and Britain’s dominance on a world and national stage. Thus, implicating the Shock Doctrine through use of brute force, and like in Chile depicting it as a great nationalist and patriotic victory.
Thatcher was loyal to Friedman’s idea of ‘freedom’ selling off state ownership in waterworks, British airways, steel, housing, telephone and others, as you will more than well know. Pure economics according to Friedman, but this leads to a problem in the film that aggravated me because Winterbottom never went into debt on the point, a point that could have won people over to the argument more: he never explored the idea that shares in these companies were not bought by ordinary people, but massive corporations who had millions, if not billions, and ultimately do not give interests into the level of satisfaction or service they provide, but are there to put profit before people.
Anyway, I divulge – another dynamite segment of the film, just as shocking, is the depiction of the American army. This shows how Bush et al privatised mass parts of the army, and the day before 9/11 Dick Cheney made a speech in which he disclosed that he aimed to sell the army to private companies – a chilling thought. In 2007 there were more private company individuals than there were to every 100 hundred American soldiers. It’s made even weird with the fact that the creator of this economic ideology does not even agree with the privatisation of the military. Systematically, it shows that common Shock Doctrine techniques have been used in Iraq as other countries before it, disappearance of people, dead bodies by roadside for warning etc.
However, on a brighter note it’s suggested that we, the human mass, are overcoming the Shock Doctrine, and maybe it will no longer affect us, but still, I’d like to see that. I am going to buy the book and hopefully then I will have more of an understanding of the theory, but it seems interesting from what the documentary showed.
Saying that The Shock Doctrine is still an enjoyable and educating film, and to balance the two can often be hard as too much of one can turn a film inaccurate and too much of the other can make you fall asleep.
The film begins with showing what The Shock Doctrine is in psychiatric terms, it tells us that it is a way to gain intelligence from the enemy through torture – sleep deprivation, barking dogs, dazing etc. and how it was first discovered that these techniques garnered information.
Next we see the teachings of economist Milton Friedman, basically unregulated economy with no state intervention – for you budding GCSE students out there ‘keep your hands off what isn’t yours!’ and how Friedman started academies and taught students in Chile, before and after the Pinochet military coup. The Pinochet coup and regime was the most insightful and frightening showcase of the powers of the Shock Doctrine - thousands of men and women ‘disappearing’ and ultimately being murdered, protests being broken up, supreme poverty due to Friedman’s economic manifesto. During Pinochet’s reign early on, and even later, a huge rise in poverty was shown and the rich got fatter simply. However, at the same time Winterbottom shows that these policies where not able to be carried out in Western democracies due to General Elections, instead Western economies often found boosts from the government, like America before the re-election of Tricky Dicky.
However, comparisons are drawn between Milk Snatcher Thatcher and Pinochet, both who did steal the milk from the kiddies. Thatcher carried out the same tactics of Pinochet, just under a more legitimate cloud. She showed this through her use of the police force to break up the coal strikes in 1984-1985 and also the war against Argentina. The war in Argentina is depicted as imperialist and a way for Thatcher to re-assert her and Britain’s dominance on a world and national stage. Thus, implicating the Shock Doctrine through use of brute force, and like in Chile depicting it as a great nationalist and patriotic victory.
Thatcher was loyal to Friedman’s idea of ‘freedom’ selling off state ownership in waterworks, British airways, steel, housing, telephone and others, as you will more than well know. Pure economics according to Friedman, but this leads to a problem in the film that aggravated me because Winterbottom never went into debt on the point, a point that could have won people over to the argument more: he never explored the idea that shares in these companies were not bought by ordinary people, but massive corporations who had millions, if not billions, and ultimately do not give interests into the level of satisfaction or service they provide, but are there to put profit before people.
Anyway, I divulge – another dynamite segment of the film, just as shocking, is the depiction of the American army. This shows how Bush et al privatised mass parts of the army, and the day before 9/11 Dick Cheney made a speech in which he disclosed that he aimed to sell the army to private companies – a chilling thought. In 2007 there were more private company individuals than there were to every 100 hundred American soldiers. It’s made even weird with the fact that the creator of this economic ideology does not even agree with the privatisation of the military. Systematically, it shows that common Shock Doctrine techniques have been used in Iraq as other countries before it, disappearance of people, dead bodies by roadside for warning etc.
However, on a brighter note it’s suggested that we, the human mass, are overcoming the Shock Doctrine, and maybe it will no longer affect us, but still, I’d like to see that. I am going to buy the book and hopefully then I will have more of an understanding of the theory, but it seems interesting from what the documentary showed.
Heath Linn - a younger michael parkinson
Hello, here is a mixtape by Toddla T, and if you scroll down a little you will see half a dozen more mixtapes by the boom dj from the steel city. Here is the link:
http://fairtilizer.com/track/toddlatfabric
What? You want more? Oh, go on then! Here is another soundtrack I'm planning to listen to once it downloads...if my pc can carry out such an elementary task! Here's the track listing:
Lil Scrappy - Addicted to Money
Rasheeda - Juicy like a Peach
Bflecha - Ceja De Carnival
Terror Danjah - Zumpi Hunter (Swindle Remix)
Hudson Mohawke - Twist Clip Loop
Ace Hood - Loco 4 Cake
Jeremy Greene - Pitbull - Rain Remix (Instrumental)
Rustie - Relay
Loops Haunt - Rubber Sun Grenade
Hudson Mohawke - Glue Tooth
Samoyed - Maybe Yes
The Dream - Sweat It Out
Tiago - Never Forget
Subeena - Dereflex
Young Snead - I Love When Dey Hate
Hudson Mohawke - Fuse
The Cool Kids - Jump Rope
Doll Phase - Damn Right (Instrumental)
Sweat X - I'm That Alley (Mike Slott remix)
Loops Haunt - Impact Omnihammer
Rustie - Teen Souls Burning
7vwwvw - It's my Birthday
http://www.factmagazine.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3348&Itemid=98
http://fairtilizer.com/track/toddlatfabric
What? You want more? Oh, go on then! Here is another soundtrack I'm planning to listen to once it downloads...if my pc can carry out such an elementary task! Here's the track listing:
Lil Scrappy - Addicted to Money
Rasheeda - Juicy like a Peach
Bflecha - Ceja De Carnival
Terror Danjah - Zumpi Hunter (Swindle Remix)
Hudson Mohawke - Twist Clip Loop
Ace Hood - Loco 4 Cake
Jeremy Greene - Pitbull - Rain Remix (Instrumental)
Rustie - Relay
Loops Haunt - Rubber Sun Grenade
Hudson Mohawke - Glue Tooth
Samoyed - Maybe Yes
The Dream - Sweat It Out
Tiago - Never Forget
Subeena - Dereflex
Young Snead - I Love When Dey Hate
Hudson Mohawke - Fuse
The Cool Kids - Jump Rope
Doll Phase - Damn Right (Instrumental)
Sweat X - I'm That Alley (Mike Slott remix)
Loops Haunt - Impact Omnihammer
Rustie - Teen Souls Burning
7vwwvw - It's my Birthday
http://www.factmagazine.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3348&Itemid=98
31/08/2009
What has the Dude gone and done?
Looks like Jeff Bridges has left behind his old passive ways and decided to enrol for the army, maybe his 10% cut wasn't enough. Despite Obi Wan Kenobi's terrible American accent this film looks quite good and the trailer made me laugh. Looking forward to watching the movie in full when it comes out. But I do hope that George Clooney's performances doesn't leave him as red faced as one of his earlier performances...
Also the Coen's newest film since Burn After Reading, A Serious Man has a trailer, it has been circling for a while, but only just got around to putting up. It looks interesting and the trailer beat is awesome - all it needed was a good dosage of John Goodman.
Help cut out piracy!
Billionaire's Son vs. Public School Boy
News Corp Chief (N.C.C.) leader James Murdoch comes up against Robert Peston of BBC – the battle between the two fierce rivals has been bubbling for months, and Peston finally snapped after Murdoch’s claim that the BBC is “Strangling” competition on Sunday night’s edition of WWE Heat.
This won’t only be two individuals fighting for the World Heavyweight Title, but a fight of Smackdown vs. Raw. BBC’s recent “land grab” of events on the RAW roster has pushed Murdoch too far, a man who is used to getting his own way.
Events went too far after Murdoch was addressing the WWE Smackdown audience and Peston stormed the stage, to which Murdoch shouted “HOW DARE YOU?!?!”, but for Peston to retort “IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GET FUCKING ANGRY, I CAN GET FUCKING ANGRY”
Jerry Lawler said “This will be the greatest wrestling match since Obama and McCain, with two colossal creatures of business the size of Andre the Giant”
Tune to Sky Sports Pay-to-View this Tuesday to witness the greatest sporting entertainment event.
30/08/2009
Music Round-Up
Of late I’ve not been on the button with music, I became lazy and uninterested in discovering new bands for about five months, but today, while all [two of] my friends have been to Leeds (I hope it rained all weekend) I decided to trawl through various websites [Drowned in Sound, Pitchfork and Hip-Hops blogs I can’t recall] and have found some new and exciting [for me] sounds.
Here is a list of the great, they’re all available on Spotify, which I suspect if it catches on with every music listener will be shut down by the music industry.
Bearsuit
Children of the Bong
Coachwhips
Double Dagger
E.S.G.
FaltyDL
Kap Bambino
Lovvers
Major Lazer
Pterodactyl
South Rakkas Crew
The Death Set
The Mummers
You Love Her Cos She’s Dead
Women
Wild Beasts
The XX (not as good as the hype says, but alright)
Toddla T
These Are Powers
XX Teens
The Hunches
Scout Niblett
My five favourite out of that list are:
1) Major Lazer
2) South Rakkas Crew
3) Double Dagger
4) Kap Bambino
5) Coachwhips
If you do download or Spotify any of those bands I hope you enjoy, unlike them fucking adverts on spotify – the hypocrisy of the government sharing anti-alcohol propaganda with Fosters adverts, eh?
Here is a list of the great, they’re all available on Spotify, which I suspect if it catches on with every music listener will be shut down by the music industry.
Bearsuit
Children of the Bong
Coachwhips
Double Dagger
E.S.G.
FaltyDL
Kap Bambino
Lovvers
Major Lazer
Pterodactyl
South Rakkas Crew
The Death Set
The Mummers
You Love Her Cos She’s Dead
Women
Wild Beasts
The XX (not as good as the hype says, but alright)
Toddla T
These Are Powers
XX Teens
The Hunches
Scout Niblett
My five favourite out of that list are:
1) Major Lazer
2) South Rakkas Crew
3) Double Dagger
4) Kap Bambino
5) Coachwhips
If you do download or Spotify any of those bands I hope you enjoy, unlike them fucking adverts on spotify – the hypocrisy of the government sharing anti-alcohol propaganda with Fosters adverts, eh?
29/08/2009
Heath Linn: 08/01/1991 - 30/08/2043
Greeting Travellers,
I, Lizo Mzimba, allow you to view British greatest movie and play director at his mental low and professional top. The following interview took place in 2037, just after he released his movie biopic of former rock star and Prime Minister Carl Barat. I hope this allows you to view the misunderstood “maverick cop” in a different light, hopefully a sympathetic and loving light.
Q) Hello Heath, you were formerly known for you outrageous antics and amazing charismatic personality. How did this period of your life make you feel?
A) Great question, Winston. I feel that period of my life came out of being sick and tired with the artistic draught that was taking place in the Chorley/Leyland area in late 2007. At the time there was nobody out there who had the balls, like me, to wear a jumper/cardigan without a shirt underneath – when I first did this people said I was crackers, others said I was a mis-understood genius. It’s up to you to decide, and you know why? Because this is a democracy and we have choice.
Q) But what would you say to the people who said, and some still do say, that you had a nasty streak to your wonderful personality?
A) Utter codswallop! Not once have I ever raised a fist or octane at a person, object or animal, and if anybody has evidence, not just ‘their word’ I would like to see it, because I tell you one thing these allegations would not stand up in court! So why should I take this rigmarole on the streets.
Q) Some say that you have been disrespectful in the past and that your ego got in the way of your former kind and loving nature…
A) What former kind and loving nature – haha! I only joke; you don’t win a Palme D’Or for helping the blind cross the road. My ego? Never been a problem, I’ve always been in control of my so-called ego, never a problem. But I would like a cold can of coke! - *laughs*
Q) So what would you say the reason for having a young, midget Turkish boy carrying your baggage around the set was?
A) That? That was just standard practice. Every director, in the top ten of an academic subject, had to have a disabled, or as I like to call them – a spak, carrying their baggage around. It’s human nature for the lesser to look after the superior AKA me.
Q) But do you not think that displays an ego?
A) Your persistent questioning comes from some ego – a great whopping big fat ego, my friend. You’re like leather, you brown cunt, leather man, make a suitcase out of you. You look disgusting you fat cunt.
Q) Excuse me?
A) I must apologise, it was the heat.
Q) Does that not show the temper and anger people have been talking about?
A) I don’t think it does, I think it shows a Machiavellian streak in oneself that puts me ahead in the rat race, and too a degree out of the rat race.
Q) Okay. So what are you currently working on?
A) Well, I’m glad you asked really. It’s a movie about vampires, but not an ordinary vampire movie, this movie is about homosexual vampires – because if you think about it a vampire, ultimately a man as Dracula is, is ultimately gay when he is sucking the blood of other men. So I thought ‘why not take this to another dimension?’, so I decided to write a script in which a vampire, Dracula, bites a man, but becomes so infatuated by him that he can’t bring himself to bite him one more time – but here comes the twist…he is the last man on the planet!
Q) Wow. How long have you been writing this?
A) I’ve not, I’m a bloody genius and thought of that on the spot.
Q) Don’t want to sound like I’m brown nosing but you’ve a special creative mind that drives you ahead of the rest.
A) haha, thanks. Michael Haneke and Ken Loach said exactly the same thing just a few days ago.
Q) How are they?
A) Is this a fucking interview about them fucking cunts, fucking telling me how fucking great I am? I don’t fucking need them to fucking tell me how fucking great I am. And you fucking know why BECAUSE I FUCKING KNOW I’M GREAT!
Q) Okay. I’m so sorry
A) Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault – it’s that damn wasp it’s really winding me up and just making me feel nauseas. Go on, ask the next question, and don’t mind me.
Q) Mmmh. So have you been working on anything exclusively before that great mind wave?
A) Ahhh, yeah – A play about school children who plan a robbery of a pornography magazine from a newsagent. It’s a play about loyalty, friendship, discovery of oneself, comradeship, betrayal and childhood humour. I do believe that children are rarely portrayed correctly in plays or movies – and when they’re portrayed well as vulnerable, funny, free for all scallywags the movie or play director/screen writer forgets that around friends children have a foul mouth and can say hurtful things.
Q) Well, that has been addressed in o-
A) – shut the fuck up you snotty nosed kid who thinks he know every mother fucking intricate detail about fucking life and films, you think you know everything because you’ve got a fucking degree and you can fucking suck of lecturers for degrees, or if that fucking fails and your cum stained tongue begs mummy and daddy to buy your fucking results you mother fucking cunt. You fucking tanned up mother fucking fat alligator. Fuck off.
*Doctor Heath Linn storms out the studio*
I believe this shows the true nature of the great director; Heath Linn, before he sadly passed away yesterday, 30/08/2043. On one half a truly great mind, the other a man tortured by a wondering torment of his rejection from Lucy Jacksons party in 2009, such a crushing rejection can never be recovered from.
My best wishes and sympathies with Heath’s family and friend at the moment.
I, Lizo Mzimba, allow you to view British greatest movie and play director at his mental low and professional top. The following interview took place in 2037, just after he released his movie biopic of former rock star and Prime Minister Carl Barat. I hope this allows you to view the misunderstood “maverick cop” in a different light, hopefully a sympathetic and loving light.
Q) Hello Heath, you were formerly known for you outrageous antics and amazing charismatic personality. How did this period of your life make you feel?
A) Great question, Winston. I feel that period of my life came out of being sick and tired with the artistic draught that was taking place in the Chorley/Leyland area in late 2007. At the time there was nobody out there who had the balls, like me, to wear a jumper/cardigan without a shirt underneath – when I first did this people said I was crackers, others said I was a mis-understood genius. It’s up to you to decide, and you know why? Because this is a democracy and we have choice.
Q) But what would you say to the people who said, and some still do say, that you had a nasty streak to your wonderful personality?
A) Utter codswallop! Not once have I ever raised a fist or octane at a person, object or animal, and if anybody has evidence, not just ‘their word’ I would like to see it, because I tell you one thing these allegations would not stand up in court! So why should I take this rigmarole on the streets.
Q) Some say that you have been disrespectful in the past and that your ego got in the way of your former kind and loving nature…
A) What former kind and loving nature – haha! I only joke; you don’t win a Palme D’Or for helping the blind cross the road. My ego? Never been a problem, I’ve always been in control of my so-called ego, never a problem. But I would like a cold can of coke! - *laughs*
Q) So what would you say the reason for having a young, midget Turkish boy carrying your baggage around the set was?
A) That? That was just standard practice. Every director, in the top ten of an academic subject, had to have a disabled, or as I like to call them – a spak, carrying their baggage around. It’s human nature for the lesser to look after the superior AKA me.
Q) But do you not think that displays an ego?
A) Your persistent questioning comes from some ego – a great whopping big fat ego, my friend. You’re like leather, you brown cunt, leather man, make a suitcase out of you. You look disgusting you fat cunt.
Q) Excuse me?
A) I must apologise, it was the heat.
Q) Does that not show the temper and anger people have been talking about?
A) I don’t think it does, I think it shows a Machiavellian streak in oneself that puts me ahead in the rat race, and too a degree out of the rat race.
Q) Okay. So what are you currently working on?
A) Well, I’m glad you asked really. It’s a movie about vampires, but not an ordinary vampire movie, this movie is about homosexual vampires – because if you think about it a vampire, ultimately a man as Dracula is, is ultimately gay when he is sucking the blood of other men. So I thought ‘why not take this to another dimension?’, so I decided to write a script in which a vampire, Dracula, bites a man, but becomes so infatuated by him that he can’t bring himself to bite him one more time – but here comes the twist…he is the last man on the planet!
Q) Wow. How long have you been writing this?
A) I’ve not, I’m a bloody genius and thought of that on the spot.
Q) Don’t want to sound like I’m brown nosing but you’ve a special creative mind that drives you ahead of the rest.
A) haha, thanks. Michael Haneke and Ken Loach said exactly the same thing just a few days ago.
Q) How are they?
A) Is this a fucking interview about them fucking cunts, fucking telling me how fucking great I am? I don’t fucking need them to fucking tell me how fucking great I am. And you fucking know why BECAUSE I FUCKING KNOW I’M GREAT!
Q) Okay. I’m so sorry
A) Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault – it’s that damn wasp it’s really winding me up and just making me feel nauseas. Go on, ask the next question, and don’t mind me.
Q) Mmmh. So have you been working on anything exclusively before that great mind wave?
A) Ahhh, yeah – A play about school children who plan a robbery of a pornography magazine from a newsagent. It’s a play about loyalty, friendship, discovery of oneself, comradeship, betrayal and childhood humour. I do believe that children are rarely portrayed correctly in plays or movies – and when they’re portrayed well as vulnerable, funny, free for all scallywags the movie or play director/screen writer forgets that around friends children have a foul mouth and can say hurtful things.
Q) Well, that has been addressed in o-
A) – shut the fuck up you snotty nosed kid who thinks he know every mother fucking intricate detail about fucking life and films, you think you know everything because you’ve got a fucking degree and you can fucking suck of lecturers for degrees, or if that fucking fails and your cum stained tongue begs mummy and daddy to buy your fucking results you mother fucking cunt. You fucking tanned up mother fucking fat alligator. Fuck off.
*Doctor Heath Linn storms out the studio*
I believe this shows the true nature of the great director; Heath Linn, before he sadly passed away yesterday, 30/08/2043. On one half a truly great mind, the other a man tortured by a wondering torment of his rejection from Lucy Jacksons party in 2009, such a crushing rejection can never be recovered from.
My best wishes and sympathies with Heath’s family and friend at the moment.
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