Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particuar job: December 2009

31/12/2009

2009 - Fuck Off

I think it would be fair to say that more than anything I have put more effort into films than anything else in my life, in a year when I proved the critics wrong and excelled in A-Levels, but yet again, they are getting easier! So here it is, my favourite releases of 2009:

A Serious Man, The White Ribbon, Inglourious Basterds, Broken Embraces, Looking for Eric, Kisses, Che, Milk, Il Divo, Lakeview Terrace, Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee, Tony Manero, Cherry Blossom, Gigantic and The Informant!

Sadly I also missed a handful of movies that I would have liked to catch, such as; Up!, Thirst, Katalin Varga and The Invention of Lying. Although, I must say, that at the time none of these films looked particularly attractive, or the cinema was too far away, or more than likely I was too busy making the transformation into an apple to go and watch them. Sadly, I watched a couple of stinkers as well, none more than Mesrine: Killer Instinct, which was truly style over substance, with murder after murder which became tiresome after 5 minutes.

However, something I have not been too bothered about is new music, nothing this year has really truly excited me, apart from The Flaming Lips new album (embryonic) and maybe the Major Lazer album in September, but that quickly tired on me, and now I think it is just average. Instead of ranting about the poor output of music in 2009 compared to 2008, instead I will show you the bands I listened to the most over the past 12 months!!!

Cat Power, Scout Niblett, Jonathan Richman, FOTL, mclusky, Pixies, Flaming Lips, Public Enemy, Gang of Four, Vivian Girls, Beastie Boys, Quasimoto, The Fall, MF DOOM, Nick Cave…., My Bloody Valentine, Madvillain, Sonic Youth, Devo, Ponytail, DANGERDOOM and Clinic

I must say that despite not being excited by much new music I did enjoy watching a lot of the oldies rocking it at Primavera 2009, Neil Young, Sonic Youth, MBV, Jesus Lizard and Yo La Tengo. But, my biggest music change this year has been a sudden upsurge in interest of decent hip-hop, thanks mainly to my new flatmate, Oliver, who virtually BULLIED me into listening to more than just Public Enemy, NWA and Wu Tang Clan,

Primavera isn’t quite up there as time of my life due to the amount of stress organising and then reorganising took, but some key events of the year are probably me not talking to anyone apart from Mark Critchley, Marcus Barnett, Sam Nicholas and Joe Smith on a regular basis for nine months, being thrown out of home for one night before going home for tea – heartbreak, spending the entire year without fancying anyone – winrar, spending the majority of the year without phone credit and the little time I had with loud headphones for my ipod.

Embarrassingly this year I only completed three or four books, Chris Harman, Fantastic Mr. Fox (69 pages!!), Roy Keane autobiography and Chopper. For the past six months I have read 180 pages of Yiddish Policemen’s Union, and 140 of them have been read in the past two weeks. So, this year I am aiming to read much more, something I can do once my exams have finished and I have six months until my next term, and have a long list of fiction that I am interested in reading, as I am now totally turned off reading about politics considering I have to do it nearly every single fucking night, especially all the liberal bollocks.

So that is one new years aim, the other is to play more video games and become more cultured about it, instead of just seeing it as beating the shit out of virtual monster on FIFA or PES. This upturn in interest of video games is because I recently played Left 4 Dead 2 and it was the first time I have been genuinely scared by a video game, as hordes of infected human beings attempt to eat me alive. I also aim to guide Celtic FC to a Champions League final in the next five seasons and win, something I believe I will have difficulty doing due to the scope of players available to me, but a challenge nonetheless. Lose all inhibitions and don’t grow my hair long ever again. Also cut down on the amount of carbohydrates I eat.

Inabit

22/12/2009

Sabata Review

Sabata, a 1969 Spaghetti Western movie starring the one and only Lee Van Cleef, although if you listen to that pesky trouble maker Steve Barnett you may be able find a look-a-like trailing around Flower Shows.

Sabata is almost super-human, unkillable, unstoppable, making for a great villain, although he isn’t! Despite his questionable morals he is still sticking it to the man, taking down anybody who gets in the way of his life, including priests, gambling degenerates and rich land barons. Sabata foils the plot of the higher coats of town in which they attempted to steal $100,000 from the bank to buy land and then sell to the rail companies. Instead Sabata kills those who stole the money, returned it and then blackmailed the high coats. However, they would rather do anything than give this wild card £60,000, so here comes the wrath of some of the deadliest mercenaries the Wild West has to offer…and a priest. None of these are good enough, leading to an almighty shoot out at the end, which makes Scarface look like a couple of children running around a play ground with sticks for guns.

The cinematography is beautiful, but not in the league of Leone’s trilogy, but very little is, however there are plenty of beautiful shots and the surroundings are believable – with all of the shooting taking place in Italy and Spain on set. The pace of the movie is quick and does not slack off at any moment in the film, and this does not hinder the film, but improves. The ending had me in a state of ‘I don’t know’ and left me upset, but then I was happy again when everybody got their just deserves and my previous thoughts were dismissed as nonsense and reactionary as Sabata is unstoppable.

One of the most enjoyable movies I have seen in a long time and I think it enters my top 30 favourite film, and this isn’t even one of the highest held Spaghetti Westerns.

17/12/2009

Nicolas Cage is Calling

Werner Herzog's new film, staring NICOLAS CAGE. I can't do anything better than that first sentence, so just watch.

Martin in Wonderland

Scorsese still has the taste of young cock, after the dumping of lover-boy Bobby D and seducing toy-boy Leonardo Di Caprio, who by the looks of things at the beginning of the trailer thought he was filming Titanic 2: The Rise of Southampton.

Shutter Island is the new movie of Martin Scorsese, and looks a move away from his traditional movies of gangsters, marginalisation, alienation and the entertainment industry. However, from the trailer the film looks exciting and tense, and stars a bad ass mother fucking Ben kingsley – well not bad ass, but as bad ass as you can get when you are an upper class toff who pretends to be Ghandi and Don Logan

Released: 19/02/2010

Secondly, Tim Burton's outing of Alice in Wonderland, in which he surprisingly uses Johnny Depp and his wife. The film looks pretty good, but I wouldn't pay to go and watch it. Shamo!

Released: March 2010

07/12/2009

Communicate - Com-ma-Com-ma-unicate

Heath Linn is a 18 year old student from Chorley, but currently resides in Manchester. He is so self-absorbed he believed he had the sovereign right to complete a quiz meant for celebrities on www.Guardian.co.uk, however Heath Linn's effort is not as self-absorbing as Dr. Dre - Wigga.

When were you happiest?
Wigan Athletic's 2002/2003 season when we won the league and had the dream team including Jimmy Bullard, Jason Roberts, Nathan Ellington, Leighton Baines, John Filan, Jason De Vos, Ian Brekin, Nicky Edan, Gary Teale, Alan Mahon, Lee McCulloch - we were dangerous.

What is your greatest fear?
Not going out on my own terms

What is your earliest memory?
Playing on the best green bike at Nursery everyday, selfish boy.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
Roy Keane - says what he thinks, and is always right.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Sometimes I think if I had the motivation to be a little better I'd be the greatest human being and the one all people would ADMIRE.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Arrogance

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Going to control the football in the 10th second of the game and it going under my foot and into the net...

What is your most treasured possession?
Ben Hogan Colorado 60 degree lob wedge - the tool I am most useful with.

What makes you unhappy?
People making wrong decisions when I've told them the best solution.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Larry David or John Goodman

What has been your biggest disappointment?
Not being ruthless.

What is your favourite word?
Cunt

What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
"Con Air is a great film!"

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching movies or (decent) tv programmes all day.

What do you owe your parents?
£20

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Larry David, Roy Keane, Brian Clough, Flavour Flav, John Goodman, Evil Kneivel, Mark Crithcley, Marcus Barnett, Joe Smith, John Foley and Ryan McGeown

What is the worst job you have ever done?
KFC

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
Go and watch 1970 and 80's football to witness Clough, and 1916-22 Russia to witness what a revolutionary atmosphere is like.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Breaking a girl's ankle whilst playing football and the amount of unaccountable bullshit I spurt everyday.

What keeps you awake at night?
The Simpsons or essays.

What song would you like played at your funeral?
When the Music Stops - Roger Daltrey OR Oh Shit - The Pharacyde

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Cider + Hip-Hop + Friends + Nightclub = Happier Heath

Tell us a joke.
Me: Do you like fish sticks
Kanye West: Yah
Me: What are you, a gay fish?

Tell us a secret.
No.