Christmas has arrived, and you can tell due to the small number of Christmas adverts sneaking onto TV already, soon the small number of adverts will turn into masses. You will not be able to move without getting slapped in the face by Jamie Oliver and then told to get to Sainsbury’s and buy your turkey! The voice of Ruby will grate on you for two months as she demands we go and buy an auto-biography of a comedian/footballer/TV personality/cook, any other time of the year no one would even dare buy any of these, unless they’re really interested, but soon, senial grandma’s and parents will be going “Heath likes football, let’s buy him Alan Ball’s biography”, not remembering I don’t care about a little man who through sheer luck won the world cup, but this doesn’t care, because I like football.
None of the adverts are more insulting than Morrisons! Richard Hammond, a man who can stand in front of a camera and read a autocue, but then gets his massive breakthrough because he cannot drive, tells me that I HAVE to go and buy mince pies. Why is he doing the advert? What social strata does he attract? The middle class dad’s with terrible haircuts and shit jackets, but last time I looked the majority of people who pack into ASDA are families or women, so why is he pushing a trolley through the North or South poll? Everyone knows it never snows at Christmas.
The worst tragedy is that when you say you hate the adverts you are “Scrooge” No, I do not like a television screen trying to convince me to pass the little money I have on shit gifts for people I probably don’t like, but sadly share a bloodline with.
Abandon Christmas adverts and just play the Elvis supergroup advert



or, the Peter Kay adverts for John Smith (here's one)